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You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sarahk, Nov 12, 2015.

  1. #1
    [​IMG]

    Now, my question is how far you would go to manipulate who those 5 people are?

    My husband received a call from a guy we hadn't known socially and hadn't heard from in 10 years who, by chance, had been to a presentation by a motivational speaker the previous evening that my husband helped organise. The guy was totally upfront about how he'd taken this particular message to heart and believed my husband should be one of the 5.

    Kind of flattering but mostly creepy?
    Why would my husband want to include someone who might drag his "average" down?
    Personally I'd have thought you'd keep the agenda quiet and just get back in touch, organise coffee or beers and see what how it goes.
    What's your take on this?
     
    sarahk, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  2. dcristo

    dcristo Illustrious Member

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    #2
    Yes, mostly creepy.

    That quote is just another way of saying "You are a product of who you hangout with."
     
    dcristo, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  3. sarahk

    sarahk iTamer Staff

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    #3
    The quote holds true, you can see it being proven all over the place.

    Years ago I had to fill out one of those workplace personality tests. One of the questions was do you see yourself as more or less intelligent than other people. Hell, I worked in IT, we had some super clever people working there and with no "support staff" everyone in the company was a geek. I probably said I was average. But then I go to the mall and you look around and you discover that maybe you're on the plus side after all! Being surrounded by geeks was good though, it made me raise my game and use the brain I'd been blessed with.
     
    sarahk, Nov 12, 2015 IP
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  4. Smyrl

    Smyrl Tomato Republic Staff

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    #4
    Not only does it seems creepy but cultivating the "right people" seems quite shallow/manipulative.
     
    Smyrl, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  5. dcristo

    dcristo Illustrious Member

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    #5
    Yes. It makes me think of startup entrepreneurs, and their eagerness to associate themselves with the "right people" to progress their careers.
     
    dcristo, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  6. abdmjz

    abdmjz Active Member

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    #6
    Are sure that he had your husbands contact and was able to be in touch with him over the last 10 years ? I have lost contacts solely because of losing my mobile phone. I think it's your husband who knows exactly what type of character he falls in to. Also there are people who make friends for a cause.. It could be business, money, power etc but these types of friends cant be classified as true friends.
     
    abdmjz, Nov 12, 2015 IP
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  7. sarahk

    sarahk iTamer Staff

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    #7
    Google tells it all...
     
    sarahk, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  8. qwikad.com

    qwikad.com Illustrious Member Affiliate Manager

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    #8
    It's somewhat true, but mostly bull. I've spent a lot of time with various people throughout my life, not for a second I am an average of any one of those groups of people. There are always idiots that take everything literally. Anyone who says: "Oh, now I am going to surround myself with people better than I so that I'd become better" is a needy idiot.
     
    qwikad.com, Nov 12, 2015 IP
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  9. dcristo

    dcristo Illustrious Member

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    #9
    FYP

     
    dcristo, Nov 12, 2015 IP
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  10. abdmjz

    abdmjz Active Member

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    #10
    This was in the 90s where internet was luxury in our country. I actually tried to look up in the telephone directory but for that.. the person needs to be the owner of the land line. Anyway even if i had googled it wouldnt have been easier as the online presence was limited before the facebook era.. ;-)

    Edit: If your husband is in Google then no issues finding him i guess.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
    abdmjz, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  11. sarahk

    sarahk iTamer Staff

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    #11
    You're definitely influenced. I have friends where our get-togethers are sedentary and others where we'll plan something around a run/ride/event/race. With some friends, you'll grab something low carb and unprocessed to eat and feel like a goody-two-shoes and with others feel totally normal. Some friends drink heavily, others hold back because they know they have to train in the morning. I've been shocked by the socio-political views of people I've known for years but only see occasionally.

    As time goes by you spend more time with the friends whose overall values more closely align yours. And your values change over time too, what seems totally normal today might be less attractive next year.
     
    sarahk, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  12. qwikad.com

    qwikad.com Illustrious Member Affiliate Manager

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    #12
    I sorta agree. I grew up around people drinking heavily. And although I do not mind an occasional drink, I am not inclined to booze day in and day out like they did. I spent over 8 years with one religious group. You'd think I should've become like one of them. I ended up disliking quite a few of their beliefs and religious inclinations. And I can probably bring up a few other examples. I remember spending 2 years in the Army with the folks who were literal idiots. It didn't change me. The moment I left the service I left everything behind and forgot all about it. Maybe it's just me. I am not easily impacted by anyone. Been like that since I was kid. Very independent in my ways and thinking.
     
    qwikad.com, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  13. dwhswebhosting

    dwhswebhosting Well-Known Member

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    #13
    Too some extent, I just think it's important to have a variety of friends.
     
    dwhswebhosting, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  14. sarahk

    sarahk iTamer Staff

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    #14
    I guess it depends on whether you "like" the people or not. Because you didn't like them you probably rejected some of their values purely because they were theirs. Especially if you are strong willed!

    I bet the people you are comfortable spending time with are very like you - maybe not outwardly but in their character and those values that are important to you.

    My Mother and I had very little in common despite the obvious connection and her influence was minimal. As I age I find there are some of her values that I have absorbed and hold on to - and they amuse me because they're generally pretty petty (men with their hands in their pockets) compared to the big issues (race, gender equality, social equality) that became no-go zones.
     
    sarahk, Nov 12, 2015 IP
  15. jrbiz

    jrbiz Acclaimed Member

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    #15
    Unless this premise somehow incorporates one's history of associations over the years, it is pretty silly. What I mean is that I surely have incorporated things from my five closest contacts over the many years and the things that I have incorporated with one group do not necessarily go away when a new group takes its place for whatever reason. If anything, it becomes a cumulative process.

    And, I think that the person who contacted your husband must be pretty desperate to change his life to have reached out like that. Either that, or he is trying to sell your husband life insurance or Amway. :)
     
    jrbiz, Nov 13, 2015 IP
  16. qwikad.com

    qwikad.com Illustrious Member Affiliate Manager

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    #16
    Good one @jrbiz . I really never cared for Zig Ziglar, John Maxwell, Joel Osteen, Jim Rohn and other motivational speakers. In my late twenties I read a book or two by each one of those people. What's the point? They pump you up with all kinds of "higher calling" ideas, but the thing is life doesn't consist of some hypothetical inspirational moments. It consists of thousands of mundane interactions that, most of the time, have nothing to do with what those authors have to say. It's all about money. Millions are duped into believing that what they are/were saying is true. So they are quick to pull their wallets out. But if you take all the crap out of the way there will be very little value left to pay attention to.
     
    qwikad.com, Nov 13, 2015 IP
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  17. jrbiz

    jrbiz Acclaimed Member

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    #17
    Thanks, @qwikad.com. The only thing the so-called experts that you mentioned are good at selling is themselves to dupes. Unfortunately, the pool of dupes grows each and every day so they continue to rake in the money from the next unsuspecting crowd of newbie dupes. It is like PT Barnum once said: "There is a sucker born every day."
     
    jrbiz, Nov 13, 2015 IP
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  18. kimanierick

    kimanierick Member

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    #18
    it all depends on what you believe. Mostly we are advised to only hang out with people that will make us better. People of our social class, people with good family background and all kind of good people that you can ever think of. But this cannot be fair, who will hang out with the rest, who will make them better, who will influence them better, who will change their attitude and show them love. even if people say that I am an average of the people I hang out with, I dont care. What I care about most is making them better, giving them hope and encouraging them in life. If there was no one better to hang out with me, then I would not be where I am today. Lets not be selfish, Don't think that you are better than the rest. Only look down on them if you are helping them out. Thank you
     
    kimanierick, Nov 14, 2015 IP
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