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CRITIQUE Wanted: Headlines That Sell

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by Jamaul Finley, Jan 11, 2011.

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  1. #1
    In an effort to actually test before I launch, I would love any feedback on the following headlines.

    Which headline speaks to your emotions or creates desire to read on?

    Any feedback is appreciated, both negative and positive.

    Thanks,

    #1) Discover The Exact Blueprint To "Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing" And Uncover A Simple Behind-theScenes Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly.

    #2) Discover The Exact Blueprint To Eliminate Your Attraction Marketing Struggles With And Uncover A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Naturally Attract More Leads

    #3) Grab Your FREE FREE 7 Part Course Revealing How To Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing And Gives You The Exact Formula to Easily Attract Targeted Leads

    #4) Grab Your FREE 60 Minute DVD Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly. You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads!

    #5) You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads! Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly

    #6) You Don't Have To Frantically Search Online Just To Find The Next Marketing Trick or Tip. Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly!
     
    Jamaul Finley, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  2. dryeraser

    dryeraser Peon

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    #2
    All of them sound too much like a sales pitch, which is right away, a turn off.
     
    dryeraser, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  3. martyogelvie

    martyogelvie Peon

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    #3
    All of those are TOO long..
     
    martyogelvie, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  4. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #4
    A short version:

    Get more leads fast and effortlessly with learning how to "Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing"!

    or

    "Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing" and Discover The Exact Blueprint with making money the easy way!

    Is there a reason as to why you have "Free Free" mentioned twice in number three?
     
    DreamingBig, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  5. Jamaul Finley

    Jamaul Finley Peon

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    #5
    Thanks for the feedback. Just starting this journey and it really helps to bounce ideas off of people.
     
    Jamaul Finley, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  6. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #6
    In that case - the best of luck with your new journey!! :) Cheers.
     
    DreamingBig, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  7. Jamaul Finley

    Jamaul Finley Peon

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    #7
    The FREE FREE was a mistake...sorry about that. I like your ideas of shorter headlines. Keep the feedback coming.
     
    Jamaul Finley, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  8. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #8
    I thought it might have been a mistake but these days...you just never know! lol :)
     
    DreamingBig, Jan 11, 2011 IP
  9. Jamaul Finley

    Jamaul Finley Peon

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    #9
    Another Round of Headlines Implementing all the Feedback You have provided. Thanks a Million.

    Any feedback

    Why Everyone Else Is Making Money Using Attraction Marketing- Except You. Grab Your FREE FREE 7 Part Course and Learn Why!

    3 Reasons Everyone Else is Generating Leads- Except You!

    "How To Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing" and Discover The Exact Blueprint with making money the easy way!

    Finally! Top Producers Reveal Their Attraction Marketing Blueprint In 7 Short Videos.

    Willing To Trade: Endless Nights of Frustration For Proven MLM Blueprint
     
    Jamaul Finley, Jan 11, 2011 IP