My First Sales Page Ever - How Much Does It Suck Or Not Suck!

Hey, I just completed my first sales letter. It's not your typical letter because it is a letter specifically one person. And I know practically nothing about copywriting and the format may be off, or I might have made some obvious errors. On the other hand, I might have done a few things right. It's a process but what do you think?
http://www.realestateinnelsonbc.com/4-packages/
Cheers!

 

Other than grammar errors (and since you seem to have gotten this person's attention anyway), it looks better than a lot of pages I have seen out there.

- I would suggest changing the font to Georgia, size 12. It is a hell of a lot easier to read, and it has more style to it.

- The subheading, titles for each section of text on your page, needs to be larger, stronger pulling, more appealing to the eye.

- Because of the high price, I would offer free tips on that page.

You have to do more to show that you know what you are talking about.

- Also, because of the high price, think about giving them either your phone number or, at the very least, your Instant Messaging contact info.

If you want to do this for a living, I would suggest buying another cell phone with a different number to use for your business.

Practically all do not do this one simple thing. This, and this, alone can greatly help your sales!

Your potential customers want to know that you can be reached, and helped further!

- Put in at least two profile pictures of yourself (Not the one of you sticking your thumb in the air, either!).

It doesn't have to be anythng fancy. I had my girlfriend take my pictures outside.

I would suggest a picture of you holding your cell phone towards them. As if to say, call me, I'm here.

Example: http://images.sodahead.com/polls/00...olding_phone_0522_738352_answer_3_xlarge.jpeg

But...do NOT use stock photos!

You want to come across as a real person on the other side.

- Put in a few professional-looking pictures to help make the sale, period.

Pictures sell!

- Try to make your page look a little professional, or, have more style to it.

See if you can get a template like this: http://www.getclientsreport.com/

- You need to work on your money-back-guarantee section. Or is there one?

As copywriters, we know the right words to use when offering a money back guarantee.

Here is his wording, as an example. But, please, use your own words!

- If you have a great personality and or a sense of humor, by all means put it on that page!

But, of course, do not over do it.

The more they like you, the more you can get them to smile, the better your odds in getting a sale!

Although I just skimmed through your page, I can see that there is still more you need to work on, but this is the majority of it.


That'll be $250. ~

 

Hey Perry, thanks for that...

Thanks! I'll have to go back and check grammatical errors.

Can you tell me more about that? I have heard Arial and Helvetica are the easiest on the eyes - are sales pages different? I will adjust the size to 12 - thanks

Do you mean offer some free tips right there on the sales page?

Very good advice - thank you, I will do that.

that is a really clean, crisp looking page - where can I get one?

Actually, I can't offer money back but i have offered that I will work for free if after 6 months, she is not satisfied with the results. I will work for free until she becomes satisfied - that is my guarantee - Is that good enough? It seems like that is what many other consultants and consulting firms offer (if the offer any at all)

I'd like to hear it all if you can spare the time.

Thanks so much.

 

It's hard to explain, but Georgia is easier to read for most people. You have to go with the majority here, so....

You also have to keep in mind that many of your visitors have read, God knows how much info before reading yours, so they might be a little tired by that time.

Plus, it is a different, more of a stylish look for most people also.

Do a little experiment...change part of your page to Georgia, and you will see the difference.

Yes. You want your visitors clicking on few links as possible Make it easy for them. Hand it to them a silver platter, sort of speak.

Just a few quick tips should be enough. But make damn sure that they are GOOD tips! Otherwise you could lose sales.

It's tricky, I know.

I couldn't tell ya. Sorry. Try asking on forums (here, SitePoint, Warrior Forum ....) on website design.

Definitely! It's good of you to do that. Many appreciate it and would prefer to have that option than their money back.

 

OK - I've updated it. I found a template to use and I am using Arial or Helvetica (who can tell the diff?)
http://www.realestateinnelsonbc.com/4-packages/

I didn't end up writing in any tips because I don't really have any for her since I am kind of offering a 'done for you' system. Can't think of any tips except to help her with direct marketing methods but dont think she needs it.

I wish I had more testimonials but I dont got any more...

 

Anytime you pitch something to someone they don't want to hear about your accomplishments. Let's get one thing straight most humans read because they think they will get something out of it..So I would suggest everywhere you type "I" in your copy to replace it with you. For example...

I would change it to...

I will be honest I am not a copywriter but planning on doing it in the near future. What I want to make clear is I took a paid course on it. The copywriter had directed ties with the likes of Billy Mays, Allen Schweitzer, David Moskowitz. These guys are, in the case of Billy was tied to the DRTV industry.

You should offer money back guarantee. The course instructor was saying the amount of returns you will get is minimal if you produce a high quality product that works. Not only that but if your product doesn't work and you don't have money back guarantee you can bet you will have the attorney general after you.

 

HEY! please stay on the task at hand. DO NOT criticize each other here. This my thread and I do not welcome this negativity. Please abandon all forms of denigration toward each other if you could. This is supposed to be a place where we help each other out and learn and progress together.

In spite of the minor deviation, I do want to thank you for your suggestions and recommendations.

I know exactly what you mean and that is actually a great tip. I actually used kompozer to edit the page but I'm not real sure how to expand the spacing with html - I'll try researching it.

@Scotman - nice suggestion about the 'I' 'you' thing. I'll get on that - cheers.

I have been assisted very much by your suggestion and, as a result, I think my sales letter looks and reads a LOT better. So thanks dudes!

I may submit it today so if you have any last recommedations or changes I should be making or considerations I should be thinkking, I am open to hearing about what you think.Cheers!!!

 

Thanks so much Perry - you've been great. I am actually an aspiring copywriter - or I should say, I aspire to become one lol

I am just starting my education with John Carlton, Yanik Silver, Dan Kennedy, and others... I presume I'll be good but I have a long road ahead.

Any suggestions of ones I should learn form?

 

disregard my crappy forum writing however lol