Did My Copywriter Do a Good Job? I have mixed feelings.

Hello,

I recently hired a copywriter to review my old sales page and make any necessary changes. I'm not really asking for a comparison, just if you could give this page a quick look over and give me your opinion of this sales letter that would be greatly appreciated.

Here it is:

http://www.trafficcourtsecrets.com

Thanks.

 

Not bad, a little too long imho though.

 

Grammar errors on first sentence: "Most people with a speeding ticket have no idea [that] they can legally avoid paying [for] it!"

"Times are tough and paying [your] speeding ticket is an expense you can do without. Am I right?"

I didn't want to keep going and check over the entire website, however, it is pretty good.

Also, the header of your page is in need of more graphics that are stimulating so the visitor doesn't lose focus. I really don't like those sales pitches... especially how they drag on! Yet, I'm not in the demographic that you're targeting so I wouldn't know if it works well.

Your books graphics are the best part of your website.

 

Thanks for the input so far.

puremonopoly, yes I agree I do need a header graphic. I had one on my previous sales page. But sometimes a graphic header can actually distract from the main headline. Maybe I'll put a simple one.

Also, thanks for pointing out the typos.

I think the main thing this sales letter lacks is a sense of urgency. I'm currently working on a php script that would have a timer on it and increase the price every so often. We'll see how that works out.

- Damon

 

Do not be too serious to see the error of a copywriter, because most of them have a grammar that there is still a mistake.
but it was not going too be a problem by the reader.

 

I've heard that this old adage still comes in handy: "You get what you pay for." And if you didn't pay much for your copywriting then you didn't get much back either.

 

lol... very true. I was thinking the same thing!

 

lots error in content..

 

"lots error in content."

Care to elaborate?

 

It wouldn't tempt me to make a purchase, but I don't think it's too bad.

 

I'm in two minds about the testimonials on the right hand side. Would it not work better if the text flows in one column only, with no sidebar distractions? Most sales pages follow a formula where the hype is built until the end where the reader can't help but buy (or so the theory goes). Your sidebar testimonials are like people interrupting the main conversation. I'm a big fan of the simple two-column layout, I'm just wondering if that works for a sales page.

 

Hi

I think the title: "Here's How to Beat Your... contains too many capital letters. Because it's displayed as a quote, the grammar rules of speech should apply, which is normal sentence case (i.e. only for propor nouns and after a full stop). As the first thing your readers will see, it's not ideal is it looks clunky as well as being incorrect.

I would lose the speech marks as they seem unnecessary and consider revising the capital letters on each sub heading too.

I agree with your sense of a lack of urgency. The use of active language throughout is good. I wonder if the tone is an issue, the approach is friendly but maybe a bit too assumptive?

Hope this helps, sorry it's not more in depth. Cheers!

 

So is that post, as if it was written by a ten-year old.

Learn how to write.

I agree.

Long sales pages without plenty of good pictures and free tips, samples to keep them reading do not work.

 

Im curious, how much did you pay for that job?

 

Seems pretty good for me. I really don't like sales pages when you read them in this context, but when you're looking for something to help you, they can be very persuasive!

 

I think it's okay, although again it's hard to rate without knowing what you paid. The headline could be a lot stronger, in my opinion. The copywriter did a good job of identifying benefits, but those are too far down the copy, and there has been insufficient use of heart-tugging, emotional trigger type words. In that respect it's somewhat typical of the beginner to intermediate copy. He makes up for the lack of 'punch' with extra length, which in this case doesn't help. The only person who is going to read the copy past the headline already knows the problem. You just need to bond with them more quickly and more closely and then drive home the pain of their failure to act. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the comments. I've since made some changes and my conversion rate has increased dramatically. I added a header, changed the headline and reworded a few things.

It's amazing how a few simple changes can make a dramatic difference. For now, I'm going to stick with this version.

By the way, for everybody wondering, I didn't pay that much for this copywriter. He's not a copywriter in the true sense of the word. He's not for hire and doesn't advertise his services, he does this on the side. I met him on the warrior forum.

Thanks again.

http://www.trafficcourtsecrets.com

 

There is plenty to read and honestly speaking it may discourage a potential customer because although there are distinguished headings and text sections it still is a bit hard to get the most important info fast.

 

It looks like a marketing letter to me ... you must have changed a lot since you started this thread. I do get tired of reading the forever copy of marketing copy, but if you have something I want, I read good copy. Fortunately I don't want this ... but it does look professional to me.

 

That's it, right there.

And you are still talking too much, while not giving anything from the book they can sink their teeth into (free tips, samples).

But you seem to think long sales pages like that works, so best of luck to ya.

And watch your speed.