What are the effects of forgiveness on you?

Yesterday I met a young man in his late twenties or early thirties who showed me a piece of paper. On it he had written down several names of family members. He explained that he had forgiven them for rejecting him. He went on explaining that it was like a HUGE burden lifting from him when he did it.

I can relate to his experience because I have done it myself too. Forgiveness allows me to live again and move on from hurt.

I also met a young lady last year who was able to sleep soundly again after forgiving her abuser and she also stopped beating up others out of anger ... quite a dramatic change in her life, one she LOVED so much that she was not willing to give up anymore. It was too good!

What is the effect of forgiveness on you?

 

What do you mean by forgivness? For instance, what does the lady now feel towards her abuser and the abuse?

In the dictionary there are two definitions which pertain to this thread.
the first is To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon., Which i think is unhealthy, and the second is To renounce anger or resentment against., which is the best i can offer. The most i can possibly do when someone wrongs me is attempt to rid myself of the resentment and anger, as for excusing them, no chance.

Which definition are you using when talking about forgivness?

 

There is no reason not to forgive every transgressor upon you.

There is no right for you to ever not accept the pleas of forgiveness another brings to you.

If you're going to live by morals that animals don't even, calling yourself by the name your parents gave you at birth is an insult to the human species.

There is nothing decent or whole about the person who cannot forgive. That is a disease of the psyche, a disease of ego-poisoning to assume that you are a king whom has the right to pass judgment on another by forcing someone to carry the weight of unforgiveness on their shoulders. You may think you are warranted to be cruel to those cruel to you, but I ask by what authority? Your own?

You do not have the right to impose psychological damage on someone else either by action or inaction, regardless of what has happened to you, if you can rationalize that tit-for-tat revenge and conflicts will only degrade all parties involved. Be the bigger man.

We are not kings, bend your knee like the peasant serf you are and say you're sorry/please and thank you/welcome and goodbye.

 

I will never forgive you for this absurdly ignorant post.

 

I sense a bit of an inferiority complex there. I will not bend my knees to anyone for no one is better than I. I will always do whatever I feel is right for my family, my friends and myself, in that order.

 

No one is better than you?
You are the reason the world is the way it is.

Who are you?
You assume you are being subservient when you apologize and ask for forgiveness; do you not see all men as equal? You must not be American, you are forgiven.

Who are you to judge who is worse than you?
Those above you do the same to you, and this is how the world maintains.

What are the qualifications for such a judgment?
You can only love your own wife and family when you love all others the same.

Join the military; you'll learn forgiveness right quick and end this "tough guy" talk.

 

How can you say "do you not see all men as equal?" and one paragraph later state that "Who are you to judge who is worse than you? Those above you do the same to you"

How can anyone be above me?

I do not judge who is worse than me, I do see people as equal but I will never love all others the same as my own wife and family.

On a side note, let's take your little quote "do you not see all men as equal?", now had the words "and all women" been inserted after "all men" don't you think there'd be a lot less pain, suffering and death of women in the past, present and future?

 

Do you have to forgive the rapist as he is raping you or is there some grace period in your world before you have to forgive transgressors?

When someone molests a 2-year old child do the parents and the child have to offer immediate forgiveness?

Only a fool can't tell the difference between good and evil. It is a shame that you do not think you have the ability to discern good from evil.

 

The answer to those questions are ones you will not be comfortable with.

I know this because you had to ask those fall back questions.

Sexual aggression must be forgiven. Without question.

It scares me to see that so many do not comprehend what the word love means; you treat it as infatuation/addiction/hoarding of happiness.

Good and evil are totally relative; we live in a quantum reality where Schrodinger's Cat is most certainly either dead or alive at any given time, not both.

The crime happened, yes. If you could have stopped a crime, you have the right to do it...But sometimes you will get blindsided by a coward. Just as you have acted like a coward in your life and have been forgiven by others, including your parents, you owe it to the rest of the world to act in the manner you have been raised.

I thought adults were supposed to be strong enough to take a punch and not complain :\ please stop proving me wrong.

 

I young girl hit my 14 year old daughter with her car, enough to send my daughter flying 15 feet or so. She stopped, opened her door, looked at my daughter lying in the grass and drove off. Luckily a passerby saw this got her licence, phoned the police and ambulance. Apart from a few bruises my daughter was OK and the girl was stopped not long after and found to be drunk. She spent a week in jail and lost her licence. I do not need to love her, I do not need to forgive her, I am satisfied with the punishment she got, hope she learnt it, but apart from that I have no other feelings towards her one way or another.

 

Maybe it is because you didn't answer. Here I will make the question idiot proof:

Does someone have to forgive immediately in your world?

 

We're using the same idea but defining it differently.

You did forgive the driver.

Forgiveness does not mean acceptance or tolerance, it is willful acknowledgment of a mistake made by others by remembering the mistakes we have made ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean compliance with a wrong deed; it means not treating each error brought to us as the last and most severe. Most of life is passing and inconsequential; even the loss thereof.

The fact you did not DESTROY that driver, allowed the state and her peers to judge her, showed you forgive her.

Do not get hung up on what you think a word means, you have shown you understand and live it, so pondering about it will just degrade the message you have aptly demonstrated comprehension.

 

Forgiveness is instantaneous, just as every act of Will.

There is no "brooding" period required, we only sulk in our self-pleasuring (anger/fear/greed/pride) until we grow tired of it (some never seem to...).

If we do not forgive immediately, we are acting as children who want to prolong conflict.

I hope that answer was idiot proof.

 

So you think a rape victim is "brooding" or 'sulking in self-pleasure and is acting as children because she does not forgive her rapist immediately?

You have a weird sense of right and wrong. As for you answer to Roman, sure if you change the meaning of words, everyone agrees with you. What a joke.

Maybe you are just playing dumb. You did understand I was asking how long you thought was permissible to wait before a rape victim should forgive her attacker before you judge her as "nothing decent or whole about the person who cannot forgive."

Do you feel that way about a rape victim who takes 3 weeks to forgive her attacker? Do you feel that way about a rape victim who takes 3 years? How about one that take 3 decades? Do you seriously claim there is nothing decent about these women because they did not forgive their attacker on your schedule? What the fuck makes you think that you are the arbiter of when it is proper to forgive someone?

 

What disgusting things religion makes the religious believe.

 

Thank you sir may I have another.

 

I did not forgive the driver, IMHO she is a heartless idiot leaving a little girl on the side of the road. I was satisfied with her punishment and for me knowing she was punished was closure. I do not need to forgive her to put it behind me and move on with my life.

 

There are instances where forgiveness is difficult or not likely but forgiveness is a good thing and is welcomed.

 

forgiveness makes one feel good and realise their mistake. but then, there are some elements who prefer to do nothing but act even more crazy taking things for granted.

 

So a serial rapist keeps making the same mistake over and over again?

If some guy raped your wife 3 times would you forgive him every time?

Before anyone answers bear in mind these words of wisdom of a very wise man:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.