There was a lady from the countryside who came to the city and checked into a hotel. Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to take a tiny room like this, with no window and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a fool just because I don't travel much! I'm going to complain to the manager!" So the bellman said very politely, "Madam,this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"...
I think i got one Bon apppite Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try. ? 1- 5 lb. Chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good.) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done. And , you thought I couldn't cook...
i found some one online .plz check this Kids quickies Why couldn't the mummy answer the phone? Because he was all wrapped up! How do vampires invite each other out for lunch? Do you want to go for a bite? Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have any guts! Why did the witches cancel their baseball game? Because they ran out of bats! http://www.2bone.com/humr/h1/index.shtml
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms. When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?" "Cry?" John asked, "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the　residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence,　looks in and someone pokes him in the eye. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Amusing (and allegedly genuine) quotes from insurance claims: 1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. 2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it. 3. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 4. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. 5. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. 6. The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle. 7. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. 8. I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. 9. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 10. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end. 11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. 12. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. 13. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. 14. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. 15. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over. 16. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. 17. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. 18. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. … and from complaints to landlords: The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand? I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink. It’s the dog’s mess that I find hard to swallow I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk Clerk; hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00. When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00." "That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
Blonde LOGIC Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench talking....(at night) And one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.......... Melbourne or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Melbourne...Huh??' CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken' BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs'!!!!!!!!
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, “I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George.†Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder, “Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?†George replied, “Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!â€