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?Grammar Guru? Is this grammatically correct?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by COUME, Jun 14, 2006.

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  1. #1
    Hello,

    I am currently tweaking my CV/Résumé to clarify a wording, which was not the best... but since I'm not an English native, I would like a confirmation that the following sentences are grammatically correct:

    I am working for a car manufacturer and I am now managing all its Fleet customers in France (I am the only one in this position). Before that I was in charge of some customers, which were not Fleet and we were several in the Team.

    Do the 2 previous bullet points (quoted above) transmit the right meaning using proper English?

    Thanks in advance.

    Regards,
    Ludo
     
    COUME, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  2. Smyrl

    Smyrl Tomato Republic Staff

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    #2
    I do not understand the second one about making customers, do you mean you are responsible for bring in new customers for the business?
     
    Smyrl, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  3. COUME

    COUME Peon

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    #3
    No the MAKE was to hide the name of my actual employer name.

    So I could rewrite it: "Responsible for My_ACTUAL_EMPLOYER Customers"
    I was dealing with all queries from customers.
     
    COUME, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  4. debunked

    debunked Prominent Member

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    #4
    how were you responsible for employers' customers?

    Responsible for Microsoft's customers

    That doesn't tell me anything or I can assume without you Microsoft would have no customers at all - see what I mean?
     
    debunked, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  5. SFOD_D223

    SFOD_D223 Peon

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    #5
    How about "Responsible for generating business relationships for _____'s customers"
     
    SFOD_D223, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  6. COUME

    COUME Peon

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    #6
    The sentences are only short ones to explain my position. I am a consultant which started with the *classic* customers but after 5 months, I am been made in charge of all the fleet accounts.

    The explanation/the actual "sales pitch" is below these 2 short sentences.

    To try make things clearer, here are exactly what is written in my CV regarding this position:
    Hope it makes things clearler :)

    Thanks again to everyone.

    Regards,
    Ludo
     
    COUME, Jun 14, 2006 IP
  7. ewomack

    ewomack Peon

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    #7
    Or did you simply perform "Customer Service for XXXX Customers"?
     
    ewomack, Jun 14, 2006 IP