Hello; I am pretty new to IM and have just created my first product. I have never written a sales page before, and I am looking for some feedback. Would you guys (and gals) be willing to take a look (be gentle, please)? I would be interested in any and all constructive feedback on the sales page. I plan to take the feedback (I am actually trying to get feedback from several authoritative sources), make the page better, and then post it back here to show the result. Anyway, here is the current sales page. http://www.nicheadsensethemes.com Writing good sales copy is a lot harder than I thought. Thanks in advance for you help. Best regards, Mark P.S. Note that the sales page is live. I read the FAQ, and I think this request is within the rules. If not, please let me know and I will fix or delete this post right away (I have never done this before, obviously). If I am breaking a rule or tradition, I apologize.
My constructive criticism: don't make a sales page look like spam. Every time I see large text of all types of vibrant colors, bolded text, gimmicks, "Buy it now!" buttons, and everything else- I instantly navigate away from the page. I can't tell you what you're doing right because I viewed your site for a total of 3 or 4 seconds. Maybe it's just me, but a sales page has never drawn my attention. I would much rather buy something from a layout that has few greatly contrasted colors, has a well-built layout, and most of all: doesn't rely on obnoxious fonts and colors to get a message across. (Perhaps my tastes are too sophisticated, but then again, so would many of those who have interest in WordPress Themes)
The first words I noticed were "professionally designed." Well, if the design of your own site doesn't look like a "premium" professional design, why on earth would I believe that you have "premium grade Wordpress themes?" Just my $.02 and why you lost my attention almost immediately. Didn't bother scrolling down. edit: Scratch that. I just scrolled down for the heck of it and saw the example theme there. In absolutely no way would I (or anyone even remotely familiar enough with wordpress to be looking for paid theme options) consider that a "premium" theme. Most free themes look far better. No copy in the world would get me to buy seeing that. That's not to be mean - just honest.
If this were a store and I was your salesman, I would get you to buy - lmao. I don't know about any of you, however when you can sell ice to the eskimos and sand to the arabs and garbage to the trash can - lmao - I'm so funny - lol Anyway the point is I can say to all people trying to sell stuff on the net through landing pages and so on, you need to sell it to me. If people walked into a shop and a homeless man, dirty, smelling of garbage and liquor and wearing a bright coloured clown costume walked up to you and said "How can I help you today?" They would run. they would turn around walk out and never go back again, at least until the store had new owners. Well it is exactly the same with these sales pages my friend. Texasag90, you have done the right thing by asking for criticism, however I have a question for you. Are yu trying to scam people? Maybe you really bought those themes or you didn't and you're just trying to get your first product selling. However all that matters is your customers don't run away like zac439, jhmattern and I did as soon as we saw it. You need to look at it and ask yourself would I buy this? Chances are you wouldn't and heres why. As soon as someone lands on the page the Title and subtitle confuse the buyer. There is no real intro, perhaps a video or audio would be nice and a little about the product. Yu are marketing this to the customers and the first thing they see after the confusing headings are STOP SCREAMING AT THEM. They haven't even had a chance to read anything and that's there. Move it down the page or get rid of it completly. The whole thing is 14 pages long man. Hot Diggity Damn! It's not like you're trying to sell them a program or course. Not to mention by the time you scroll all the way to the bottom and see the price of $47 is scrubbed out and then a sign saying you guarantee the price will go back up after the introductory offer. Well there is no price man! I had to click the buy pic to find out it was $27. Any customer that wanted to buy it has no price on the landing page except the crossed out $47 There are so many gaps on the page. Why not move the testimonials to the left in a little box with some pictures or did you make them yourself? I'm not be harsh, well I kind of am because I know how many peple are constantly scammed. I have briefly gone over your wording and it makes no sense, if you hired someone to do this may I sugest never working with them again. If it is your work and your first go at doing something like this, yu have a right idea but are missing a few things. An audience A Product Worth $27 And I just feel its outright 'scammy' Can I suggest scrapping the whole thing and making another one worth $27 offering to teach people how to use wordpress, install it, make a site with it, where to find free themes, and don't market it to them like From the desk of this uptight pompous rich uphimself from the desk of whoever dear internet marketer: blah blah blah, Try being their friend, Offering to help them, to teach them, to train them, to succeed with them and so on. see the difference friend? You will find people will come to you if you are trying to help them, when you're just trying to take their money for 12 themes and a few freebies people aren't interested. If I wasn't trying to help you I would have closed your page and left like the others. Here is another question for you mate. Have you actually sold any? The other thing you have to understand is the guys that write all the "From the desk of harry chang and staff, Wlecome to here, I will teach you $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and how to do it with this 1 and onlu method, if yu don't have it you will fail" Well man those guys are all millionaires who've ben ere from day 1 selling themself and they couldn't care less of people come or go, they have their hand and foot in many different windows. I tell you what mate. So you get an idea of where I'm coming from send me your email or contact me and I'll give you a few videos to watch about how to approach from the angle I'm talking about with an honest product. If not I wish you all the best mate and good luck with your online career.
I work in marketing and PR, and am a copywriter in my own right, which makes me hypersensitive to any kind of sales pitch. So no, you couldn't get me to buy those themes. They wouldn't satisfy a single need or desire once I saw the quality - and I wouldn't buy without seeing the quality (so removing the preview wouldn't help).
These are great points, and I really appreciate the feedback. Thanks for taking the time to comment. This is exactly what I was looking for. @zac439 -- I completely understand your point about sales pages. I am using a sales letter instead of what you describe because I'm told that split testing shows that long sales letters convert better. I have not tested that theory for this product, so I don't really know. @jhmattern -- I see your point about "premium themes." The point of these themes is that they are optimized for AdSense clicks and designed to be used as mini-sites for that purpose. They are not intended to complete with premium wordpress blogs themes (which often do not convert well for AdSense). I will definately re-consider use of the phrase "premium theme". Regarding your comment about my blog theme at masonworld.com, what was it that you did not like? I actually get a lot of positive feedback about that theme specifically and the blog in general. I am interested in making it better, so I'd love to know what you think is wrong with it. @shanedonovan -- Thanks for the honest assessment. No, I did not hire someone. This is my first attempt, and I know that I have a lot to learn about a lot of stuff. And no, I am not trying to scam anybody. In my opinion, the product legitimately fills a need in the AdSense mini-site space. I think of these themes as a "better" version of Dosh's Dosh's Prosense themes. But, I do admit that the sales letter does not commumicate that well, because that point was lost on both you and @jhmattern. So, I need to think about that. Thanks for the comments about the screaming STOP, etc. I agree with you and will definately consider that input in the rewrite. Regarding your question about "have I sold any." Yes. I did a limited launch to test things out and found that highly targeted traffic converted at 3.6%. Un-targeted traffic (like you three) is not converting well at all. I think I understand why thanks to your feedback. So far, I have sold over 30 copies in the first 10 days with no returns. I have been in contact with about 10 of the 30 customers directly, and they tell me the are happy with the product. Thanks also for your offer to point me to some videos. I am always interested in learning, so feel free to PM me a link. I really appreciate the honest feedback. Back to the editor now to tone down the spam factor. Cheers!
Even in that case, there are plenty of free themes optimized for Adsense that I'd say are more attractive on top of the optimization. That's why "premium" doesn't fit here, especially given the usual way in which that word is used regarding WP themes. My comment wasn't about your blog - nothing wrong there. It was referring to the design of the sales site / page itself. While somewhat traditional, if someone is going to convince me to buy a design-oriented product like a template, I'd want to see something better design-wise from their own sales page to tell me they know what a "premium" design is in the first place. For example, when I do buy a premium theme, I only consider them from sellers who are running their own sites (where they're selling) from Wordpress-based sites or blogs, who are using a premium or custom theme that showcases their design ability. In this case, I would at least insist on seeing a fully-functional demo (I've never seen a paid theme available where there wasn't a demo link available beyond just screenshots, and certainly wouldn't buy one without that - themes can look very different full-scale than when they're reduce-sized in a ss).
I see your point. The problem with many "attractive themes" is that they generally have lots of bells an whistles that result in lower AdSense click-thru rates. This is why a lot of the AdSense min-site gurus use static HTML. Still, I understand your point, and the fact that we are discussing this means that the sales letter is not clear on this point. I understand this input also -- thanks. My concern is putting links on the sales page that divert customers away. From the buy button. I have heard it said the one needs to put all the information needed to close the sale on the page. It would definately be an interesting split test. Thanks again for your time and input -- I really do appreciate it.
I'm the type of buyer who scans headlines before reading the full copy. The copy didn't pull me in and entice me to read more. I stopped when I saw that your "beautiful" themes weren't so beautiful after all. Frankly, I've seen free themes that look better. Neither your product nor your copy is enough to convince me to pay $27 for those themes. You should fix the themes, lower the price, don't tout them as being the "most beautiful," or all of the above. Don't try to sell these themes based on their looks. They aren't "beautiful" or "stunning." You should focus primarily on the fact that Adsense is built-in and users don't have to figure out location for ads or the HTML color codes to coordinate ads. Be more accurate with your description of the problem webmasters are facing and state the specific ways your product solves those problems. Don't forget to include extra benefits. Some smaller things: You use quotation marks incorrectly. You should only be using them for actual quotes. The Times New Roman font is unattractive. "$600 total for 12 themes" shouldn't be struckout. When you use strikeout, it should be followed by a more attractive price. Besides, the words "might expect" and "but you won't" let the reader know they won't be paying that high price. Something's off with the alignment in Bonus #2. Your copy states FTP as one of the problems with the current way your target is doing things, but your product doesn't provide a solution. This image: http://www.nicheadsensethemes.com/images/theme_bot50.gif isn't showing up.
Perhaps, but those headers look like something out of the mid-90s. They just don't work, and they immediately make me not want to click the link to find out the price (didn't know it until Latoya mentioned it), because I wouldn't pay a cent for something looking that outdated. The features you want to push re optimization are fine - but it doesn't have to be "ugly" in the process (from a buyer's perspective). A lot of folks charging for themes use the demo route and such - quite successfully. I've spent a few hundred dollars on premium themes just in the last 2 weeks, and I don't even know if I'm going to use them yet - I like them, playing around with their demos made me like them more, and I bought them "just in case" I may want to use them in a blog redesign or something. Definitely consider testing. I doubt the folks selling themes for a lot more than this are going that route because it doesn't work. Remember, you're selling a targeted product to a targeted audience. Those looking to build an "Adsense empire" with Wordpress probably already know a few things about Wordpress - appeal to that rather than using stale sales pages, and I'm guessing you'll have better luck. And Latoya made other excellent points to look into.
Same here, as soon as I see a page like this a red flag is raised in my mind saying "go away, just another spam site" Even though a catchy headline might drive the average surfers' attention.
It appears you saw some sales pages and decided to sort of fashion one like it. It just sounds like words that don't apply to your product. First, you need to isolate your target market and figure out who they are. Then you can start to build a case to sell something to them.