Constructive criticism on my marketing.

Hi guys! I'm new to marketing, and I have set up a clickbank account, and I have a blog where I publish it.
http://fatlossproducts4thefatman.blogspot.com/

I'd like someone, if you have the time, to look over it and tell me what is your opinion on it and what can I do to improve it!

Thanks in advance!

Avi

 

I would suggest that you:
lose the black bgcolor.
Host your own blog.
Don't use "click here".


Bompa

 

What colour do you suggest would be better?
How do I host my own blog?
And is "Click Here for the product" better?

 

well I would have more than just one article, build trust and let the visitors believe that I know what I'm talking about before trying to send them to god knows where aff link scheme.

 

I opened it today, that's why there aren't many articles yet

 

Ask your mother, sister, or girlfriend, women are good with colors. You want
a color that represents hope.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=how+do+i+host+my+own+blog&btnG=Google+Search

No. "Lose The Fat!" would be more in line.


Bompa

 

You're not making any attempt to SELL.
Explain the product, talk it up, just saying 'a friend tried it' isn't selling.
Put something interesting in, make it a funny blog about fatties, or a serious blog about health concerns and obesity, or a personal blog about your own weight-loss regime.
Plus you've got typos all over the place.
The standard template you're using is dull dull dull and you need pictures.

 

I edited it to my best capacity right now - no typos, and more hype. Can anyone look at it and see any more improvements?

 

I edited it some more with help of one of my mates, and I'd like to see if anyone has more improvements or if it allready passable?

 

Maybe you should find some 'feel good' blogger template.

 

I think your advice is contradictory. If you are still fat like you say you are on your blog, how do you expect me to believe that the programs you advertise really work?

You will not be able to pull this off forever... You'll get exposed one time or the other.

 

Any ideas on how do I solidify my advise?
Edit : I just changed "is" to "was". lol, it's marketing, not holy books

 

You should come from an independant researcher perspective rather than from a user perspective.

 

I have no Idea what's the diffrence lol, I just wanna make some money (specifically, 2k$ till september, since I wanna go to the oktoberfest in germany)

 

You know, maybe I'm being so critical because I'm a marketer myself and I can spot a sales pitch when I see one... Maybe your visitors will be oblivious to the fact that you're just trying to sell them something...

But if I were you, I would just build a professional looking website using an authoritative tone and put some side-by-side comparisons of some of the top weight loss products out there...

Hey, but that's just me...

 

I don't have before and afters, I'm still fat lol. I opened a second blog, in which I published "singorama", would anyone mind telling me if it's good? and if not what does it lack tp://rosenfa.blogspot.com/2008/07/learn-to-sing.html

 

Did anyone happen to read my other blog and have any improvements on either it or my first one?

 

anyone read this? I don't like flooding, but I need help.

 

Let's start with the words "my advise is " What you really mean to say is "my advice is "
Then you have this humorous twister: "THIS PLAN IS NOT FOR ANYONE!" I hope you don't mean that. I think you meant to say that a few people would not be able to use the plan successfully for one reason or another, in which case you would rewrite that sentence thusly: "THIS PLAN IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!"
I think others have mentioned the need for alternate color schemes. If you have already made some changes I must report they are not good enough. The color scheme I see right here on this forum would be much better for you. And, if I may be so bold, I would suggest getting rid of that dark wall paper and put up a bright, shiny picture of hot fudge sundaes that are dripping over the edge of the glass lip. Yeah, I know, your traffic is probably trying to lose weight and doesn't want to see this -- but actually, every one of the heavy boys coming to your site probably has a healthy love affair with hot fudge sundaes. If you can find a way to legally throw up a headline saying: "New report proves hot fudge sundaes are good for you!" then your traffic will send their friends swarming to your site.
Is there any report like that? Bound to be. Google it down and report on it.

 

OK OK, I did what you said about the template, and all that... I'll find a good pic later! Thanks for help