I sent an email into the radio here in Ireland about a problem I'm having instead of writing out the whole thing I will just copy the email the presenter is called Rick on the irish radio station 2fm could do with you help it will be a few weeks before the radio can air it. So here is the email I sent. Hi Rick I have a real problem its very complicated, complex and heart breaking well at least on my account maybe someone listening to your show can help me because all the advice I have had from family and friends is to forget about it. My name is Barry and I live in Co. Clare a few years ago I went away for the week end drinking with some friends and while I was away I meet a girl there and well, we hit it off and she came back to the B&B where I was staying and we got together that was that she left a few hours later and did not see her after that. I went on with my life as I would and a girl around the same age as me started going around saying she was the mother of my child "just helping to explain abit" I did not remeber her at all it was'nt the girl from the week end away anyway started to talk to her remember'd who she was and all so I started to go see her and I even named the child after about a week of going to see them paying money to them and everything she told me the child was not mine I took it very hard as I am not a bad guy ad there was no reason to have been lied too. I got on with my life I went for a drive with the mother one day after that and I ended up in the town where I had gone away for the week end and I bumped into that girl I had meet up there. She then went on to tell me that she had had my child and realy took to the idea but she would not let me have any time with the little girl did'nt blame her I was basicly a stranger but I keept going up trying to get the right to she them on a regular bases and she agreed I ended up staying for a few days and well we all realy click everything was perfect for the first time in my life I was happy. I ended up falling in love with her and I was going to move in with them but I got a little scared of the the idea of what it would mean to my freedom and also the girl who had turned up before that lying to me all had an effect and I ended up leaving and not going back, It started to rip me apart and went back to she them and things sort of took a turn for the worst she would not let me she the little girl ended up getting into an argument and ended up getting into a fight with her friends I had no choice but to leave. Every now and again I would try to fix the mistakes I had made but she never accepted my apology. A few months after that she and her father turned up at my front door saying they where moving away and they wanted me to go with them I said I could'nt at the time I had my family to think about but she said she would send on the address for me to go see them. I had a change of mind thinking about them tumbed all the way to there house and they had gone house was empty I fell to my knees and cryed I started to say to my self it will be ok she had told me she was going to send on her address waited and waited but nothing. I went up looking for someone that knew her to try and get her address and guess what she had moved back to the area tryed to make up for everything again and she told me the little girl was not my child and my heart sank I just keept trying for hours and hours trying to get her to talk to me and I finally got to talk with her and she cryed and I cryed we huged she cryed in my arms saying I hurt her for leaving in the first place we made up told her I would come up everyday from then on to see them. That night I went onto ring them to say good night to the little girl and she would not let me say good night and told me again she was not my daughter I asked for a DNA test she said no and will not let me she my daughter. I't hurt me so much I could not handle it anymore and just left it at that. Now and few years on I am finaly moving into my very first home but its ten minutes from where she lives did not plan it just the deal I was getting on the house. I had a job interview was going home got stuck in traffic and I looked to my left and there they where siting in a van they saw me and the girls mother jumped into the back of the van to avoid me I just left. But it started to make me think about them all over again and I realy dont know what to do now to this day she denies me a DNA test and at the same time tells me that the girl is not my daughter. I want to try and make things right but she wont even talk to me wont even let me see the little girl. I still have alot of love for both of them want to have a DNA test done but I know she is not going to say yes I dont want to pick off where I left everything I know that would be impossible. Where I will be living its going to be very diffuclt as we are bound to bump into each other on a regular bases. My family and friends just keep telling me to forget about it but its what got me where I am today. I dont want to forget about them and still having the love for them makes it hard. I dont know what to do try to make things right? try to forget about it? Try to get a DNA test done I just dont know what to do can anyone help in anyway in figuring this out. I'm 22 now I dont think its to late to try to figure out but I do need a bit of help as it is ripping me apart and I have even had nightmares about trying to find them and not being able to find them. I'm not a bad guy I take everything to heart its one reason I want to figure this out. Hope you can help Barry.
USE CONDOMS!! But i guess i'm too late with that, So what i gotta say to you, is that i guess she still has a feelings to you, because she jumped to the back of van to avoid you, if she wouldn't care about you she would do nothing i guess or show a middle finger i dont know The thing about women is that you never know what do they think of or what do they want. But what i do know is that alot of girls want to make guys follow them and show that they love them and so on. You just gotta try to talk to her again, and don't ask for DNA test, this makes her feel like you are only trying this because of daughter. Thats it, I still don't understand why did you left on the first place.
If you REALLY think the child is yours you should take it to court - regardless of your feelings for the mom, if the child is yours you need to find out, she needs a dad
well when this happened I was very young and with the first girl turning it all got a bit scary for me. I have just found out that the first girl and the second have been and kept in contact make me question the first kid all over again.
Here are a few suggestions 1] Stop asking for the dna test [it doesn't matter, if you love them both] 2] tell her you love her and the child, everytime you see her [if you can] 3] send her gifts and flowers and also toys for the kid [they should know it's from you, but don't write anything much along with it, except maybe short sweet messages] Eventually something good might happen OR Just forget everything and move on with your life. We all love many things, but sometimes we have to forget everything and move on. Don't dwell on the past and the loves and joys of the past. Treat it as if the past never existed. Don't feel like a victim or that everything's gone wrong for you.
Just thinking about sending them gifts the more I think about it the more it sounds very stalkerish what you think?
Then try the second solution [forgetting everything]. No guts no glory. Stalkers are strangers. You consider yourself a stranger ?
I don't know man, sending gifts or not. You should have a straight point of what do you want to do, stay with them or not. How could turn out that both girls were in contact? Sounds strange? I don't know man it's all about you, watch movie "run fatboy, run", it's about the situation you are in somehow.
Because the second girl and her father came to my house one day asking me to move away with them and they where asking about the first girl and they must have meet up after that but they kept in contact all this time.