NEED HELP! - Please Critique my eBook title

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by jukebox9988, Nov 6, 2007.

  1. #1
    Hey guys,

    I need some help from you experienced copywriters out there.

    Please tell me how effective this title is. It's for a new product that I'm releasing later today.

    CJ Secrets

    Discover the Affiliate Marketing Secrets that Generates Thousands of Dollars in Passive Income While You Sleep

    What do you think? Any suggestions on how to improve this title?

    Pros? Cons?

    Thanks guys!
     
    jukebox9988, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  2. DiscussNow

    DiscussNow Peon

    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    6
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #2
    Discover the Secret to Affiliate Marketing that flows Thousands of Dollars into your Bank as you sleep!

    I took passive income out as it may be confusing to some people.

    Also I believe that leading with Secret creates more initial interest.
     
    DiscussNow, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  3. tonyrocks

    tonyrocks Active Member

    Messages:
    1,574
    Likes Received:
    50
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    88
    #3
    Affiliate Marking Secrets Revealed that Generate Thousands of Dollars While You Sleep!
     
    tonyrocks, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  4. jukebox9988

    jukebox9988 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    12
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    140
    #4
    @Discuss Now

    Good point. Passive income could lead to confusing.

    @tonyrocks

    Awesome title. I like this one the best.

    Thanks guys.

    Anyone else have suggestions?

    Damn! Sweet title.
     
    jukebox9988, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  5. Sacredhoops

    Sacredhoops Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    677
    Likes Received:
    30
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    118
    #5
    Discover the Revolutionary Marketing Secrets that will Generate Thousands of Dollars in Guaranteed Income While Sleeping

    Or you really what to stick with Affiliate Marketing...

    Discover the Revolutionary Affiliate Marketing Secrets that will Generate Thousands of Dollars in Guaranteed Income While Sleeping

    My two cents...Affiliate is not that profitable of a word. That's what I have learned from past experience.

    Just my thoughts!
     
    Sacredhoops, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  6. keatsian

    keatsian Peon

    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #6
    How about this?

    Discover The Most Effective Affiliate Marketing Secrets and Generate Thousands of Dollars Even While You Sleep!
     
    keatsian, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  7. tonyrocks

    tonyrocks Active Member

    Messages:
    1,574
    Likes Received:
    50
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    88
    #7
    Mine is more active...plus although affiliate may not be a selling word, however it is a term that is quite fitting for use in a niche market, such as the market of your ebook. So, i deem it appropriate for the title :)
     
    tonyrocks, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  8. SirSEO

    SirSEO Peon

    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    17
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #8
    Okey... I'm not sure if you talking about the book title or the headline.

    If this is supposed to be the title of your book then don't use it...
    If it's supposed to be the headline don't use it...

    This is one of thous headlines people see all the time, they don't get people interested enough.

    Use words like new, dirty, secret, never before, unspoken, don't want you to find out, ultimate secret, etc....

    Make it stand out and think out site the box when doing a headline, don't go for the over used ones that are stuck in your head and that's why you came up with this one :)

    best regards,
     
    SirSEO, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  9. tonyrocks

    tonyrocks Active Member

    Messages:
    1,574
    Likes Received:
    50
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    88
    #9
    SirSEO,

    You have to look at the whole package. The headline, subject as well as critical body copy elements, including copy color/weight are very important to psychologically sway people into becoming interested.

    I've written/re-written copy for Filsaime, Wellman and a few others...all will agree that taken out of "context" it will not work.

    Jukebox, check out my post about deconstructing a sales pitch page...could offer some helpful tips:

    http://www.tonyrocks.com/index.php/sem/deconstructing-the-sales-pitch-page-spotlight-on-breakthrough-wealth/
     
    tonyrocks, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  10. SirSEO

    SirSEO Peon

    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    17
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #10
    Hi Tony,

    I see you have done work for some powerful people... and you get respect for that in my book.

    I know my English might not be the best but what I was trying to tell him was that he needs to stick out, and use some of the proven "headline words" that are bound to increase his conversion. I'm not a copywriter but you are and I know you'll agree with me that the headline is one of the most important text written in a salesletter.

    I have been reading some of Gary Halbert's (R.I.P) newsletters and in one of his letters he talks about how the headline can boost your conversion by 5% and then I mean just the headline.

    You need a strong and a unique headline to get people interested so they keep on reading.

    Also the words I gave in my earlier post are actually from a teleseminar I listen to from mike's website the prelaunchsecrets.com :)

    Best regards,
     
    SirSEO, Nov 6, 2007 IP
    jukebox9988 likes this.
  11. tonyrocks

    tonyrocks Active Member

    Messages:
    1,574
    Likes Received:
    50
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    88
    #11
    Awesome! I know Mike Personally and I have to tell you he is all that he is cracked up to be...plus a really good guy!
     
    tonyrocks, Nov 6, 2007 IP
    jukebox9988 likes this.
  12. jukebox9988

    jukebox9988 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    12
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    140
    #12
    Interesting dialogue going on here.

    I'm still learning the basics of copywriting, so thanks for the links.

    I left you both rep+
     
    jukebox9988, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  13. YMC

    YMC Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,787
    Likes Received:
    404
    Best Answers:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    190
    #13
    All of the headlines posted here immediately turn me off. Sounds like yet another one of the upteen e-books out there on how to get rich quick. And with most of them, I found I had to force myself to read beyond the 6th or 7th word.

    Maybe I'm just jaded on this whole "I've got the way to tapping into the Adsense/E-Bay/Affiliate market to make millions". Of the e-books I've seen on this topic they all either advocate things that will eventually get you banned from the programs or can be found by reading most webmaster forums.

    That said, I believe there have to be some folks out there who are making a great deal of money using these programs. If I happened to find "the method" to success, I would look for a much snappier and concise headline then what so many others are all now trying to make my product stand out.

    It's been a long day and I wish I had that headline that represents what I'm saying; but, I'm just drawing a blank right now.

    Added later: Looking over your original post again, I would maybe approach this from a different point of view. There's tons of folks that claim they have the way to riches with programs like Commission Junction, but there's not that much out there that explains the program for the beginner from the perspective of someone who is making it work. Perhaps a quieter 'how to' type approach would not set off the get-rich-quick-scheme warning bells while making your product attractive to prospective buyers.
     
    YMC, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  14. jukebox9988

    jukebox9988 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    12
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    140
    #14
    This is not a get rich quick.

    It's a step by step account of how I made money in CJ, which shares my techniques (mostly free ones) and includes no illegal stuff.

    It's written for the beginner, and includes everything from registering an account to making your first dollar.

    My headline isn't supposed to be hype; it's speak the truth. I do make money in my sleep.

    Also, I'm not making millions yet;)

    But I see so many people struggling that I figured my methods are as good as anyone elses.



     
    jukebox9988, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  15. YMC

    YMC Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,787
    Likes Received:
    404
    Best Answers:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    190
    #15
    Without reviewing and trying your methods I would have no way of knowing if it were a get rich quick product. I hope you didn't take my post as an accusation, it wasn't meant as one.

    Unfortunately, there are so many making claims to finding the easy way to make money that you will have to compete against the "guilt by association" that the spammers have created around this topic.

    How about,

    Commission Junction - A Beginner's Guide to Success

    or something similar?
     
    YMC, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  16. jukebox9988

    jukebox9988 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    12
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    140
    #16
    Yea, but I have no clue if all the readers are true beginners. That's where the targeting can get screwed up.

    I'm finishing it up tonight, and would love to give you a free copy to review.

    Plus I'm using the 7 Dollar script so it's only $7 to purchase.

    My goal with this report isn't to make money; I'm trying to build up my e-mail list.

    If you could review it for final touches, that would be great.
     
    jukebox9988, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  17. mattingly

    mattingly Peon

    Messages:
    563
    Likes Received:
    3
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #17
    I agree, I would also remove "passive income," a bit confusing for some.
     
    mattingly, Nov 13, 2007 IP
  18. AdJumpCM

    AdJumpCM Guest

    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    2
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #18
    CommissionJunction.com Domination

    Free Methods to Affiliate Marketing Revenue - Updated November, 2007.


    Boom, passive sales right there :)
     
    AdJumpCM, Nov 13, 2007 IP