Make me Laugh $50 prize

Hey i am giving away a $50 prize to anyone who can tell me a good joke which makes me say lol,lmfao,lmao the first person who can make me laugh will have $50 sent to there paypal!

Also people can only have one go at trying to make me laugh so make it a good one!

 

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

 

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?











Lick-a-lot-a-puss!

 

Please see these ADULTS ONLY Jokes....

1. The phone rings and the husband answers the phone.
He just listens and then says "how the heck do I know... I live 20 miles from the ocean!" and he then hangs up.
His wife asks what that was all about.
He said," oh some idiot wants to know if the coast is clear."

2. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
- "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
- "None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away".
- "Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking".
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
- "Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
- "No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!" .

 

Nothing funny here so far the panda one was ok but didnt make me laugh.

 

There were two blondes walking through a forest, they see some tracks on the ground. The first says "I bet those are kangaroo tracks", the second replies "no way, those are crocodile tracks".

They were soon hit by a train.

 

Of course we've only got your word that you didn't laugh.

 

Whether this made you to laugh?

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"

 

Come on guys these are not funny at all!

 

I will give you a real laughter boost but if you are willing to pay me $1000

 

a mute says to a deaf(person) :i think there's a blind man folowing us

 

LoL ya and you think anyone will pay that much for a laughter boost.

 

a mute says to a deaf(person) : that was is pretty funny but did not make me laugh i just considerd the "mute" bit kinda funny. sorry i didnt laugh tho!

 

well there's the blind bit too,three bits in one sentence...it's a killer joke(i probably didn't translate it very well from my native language)

 

I'm getting a racehorse. I gonna to call it "My face". Just imagine 1000s of people shouting: "Come oooon my faaaaace!"

 

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

 

mightyb yours is the best so far but still ddntmake me laugh anyway mightyb you should be giving me money man i listed you in my birthday thread

 

Son asks his dad.. HOW WAS I BORN?"

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

 

Oh iv missed that thread. Thanks man Il go congratulate you officially on there.