I am planning to distribute a Press release for one of my sites. I have 2 Press Releases ready. Please let me know which one do you think will work well and why. The Press releases are here. Thank you for your time.
I personally prefer the tone of the second version - it's not as formal and if I were a customer, I would prefer a company that sounded more relaxed. Quite a few small errors or inconsistencies though on this (yes, I am really picky with grammar): 1) Paragraph 1 - "results on the Search" - should be in not on and search engines is lowercase. 2) Paragraph 2 - "the earlier a site is presented" - perhaps use 'appears' rather than 'is presented' 3) Paragraph 2 - "For eg" - should be "For example" 4) Paragraph 2 - "but its on page" - should be it's or is 5) Paragraph 2 - "it really isn’t helping anyone" - perhaps 'it just won't be found' Told you I was picky but I hope you don't mind
littlefish - thank you for the review. The first PR was written by a professional and the second was written by me. I tend to make a lot of grammatical errors as English is not my first language.
They both need some work. The second one really isn't even a press release; it's more just an article b/c you're lacking news in the beginning. Also (in both) press releases pretty rarely need drawn out definitions... again, that's an article thing; not a release. There's nothing newsworthy in your title on that one at all, so if you use it, you'll need to scrap the title and try it again. Remember... the headline has to say what the news is. Format-wise, the first is better. You don't have a summary in your second one (you used a subheading), which isn't the right way to go if you plan on releasing it online at all. The first one has some language issues. For example... you don't "unveil" advice. You also don't use the word "abbreviated" before an abbreviation... it's implied. In your summary, you have a possessive (sites) that should be site's. (And that's just up through the first paragraph.) The second wasn't really "written" by you if it's re-using text from the professional's version. Either way, you'll need to do some serious editing on whichever one you choose. Neither is ready to be sent to the media just yet.
Jenn, Thank your for your honest and insightful review. What you are saying makes perfect sense and I'll work on your suggestions. Btw, the professional version was made after I wrote mine
lol Fair enough. I'm kind of shocked that a professional PR writer would simply be reusing your text though.... bad form (not the text; the practice).