President Bush's Resume

Discussion in 'Movies, Music & TV' started by MichaelThanatos, May 23, 2007.

  1. #1
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, DC 20520

    EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

    LAW ENFORCEMENT

    I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
    influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
    license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
    and is not available.

    MILITARY

    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
    a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
    Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

    COLLEGE

    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
    cheerleader.

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

    I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil
    business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but
    couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after
    I sold all my stock.

    I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
    took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our
    friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected
    governor of Texas.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

    I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
    making Texas the most polluted state in the union.

    During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
    city in America.

    I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions
    in borrowed money.

    I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
    history.

    With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
    appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
    over 500,000 votes.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

    I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
    criminal record.

    I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
    billion dollars per week.

    I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

    I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

    I set an all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

    I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
    U.S. stock market.

    In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs
    and that trend continues every month.

    I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
    administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
    Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

    I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
    President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
    receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

    My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
    Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
    U.S. History, Enron.

    My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
    assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
    decision.

    I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
    investigation or prosecution.

    More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
    than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs
    in history.

    I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
    to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

    I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

    I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
    government contracts.

    I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
    President in U.S. history.

    I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
    in the history of the United States government.

    I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
    history.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
    remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

    I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow
    inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
    refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

    I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
    inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

    I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
    attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
    in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

    I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
    simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
    shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of
    mankind.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
    pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I
    did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
    citizens, and the world community.

    I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
    duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

    In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
    attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

    I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
    (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
    security.

    I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
    WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
    [sic] to justice.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES

    All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
    library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

    All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
    bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
    view.

    All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
    attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
    unavailable for public review. I am a member of the REPUBLICAN PARTY:D
     
    MichaelThanatos, May 23, 2007 IP
  2. kathiroly

    kathiroly Peon

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    #2
    Are all these true? Pardon my ignorance. I can only say, "WOW".
     
    kathiroly, May 23, 2007 IP
  3. Computerized

    Computerized Well-Known Member

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    #3
    It looks like it is real, which makes it funny :D
     
    Computerized, May 23, 2007 IP
  4. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #4
    GTech, May 23, 2007 IP
  5. lowco2525

    lowco2525 Active Member

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    #5
    lol Haha. That's funny. Bush stinks...
     
    lowco2525, May 23, 2007 IP
  6. GMROCKS

    GMROCKS Active Member

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    #6
    GMROCKS, May 23, 2007 IP
  7. timsdd

    timsdd Peon

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    #7
    yeah, as if this is a bad thing :rolleyes::rolleyes:

    UN can get bent [​IMG]
     
    timsdd, May 23, 2007 IP
  8. britishguy

    britishguy Prominent Member

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    #8
    Impressive did you miss any ;)

    Foley, Gonzalez, Wolfowitz, Bolton et al, and what does the City of New Orleans think too
     
    britishguy, May 24, 2007 IP
  9. uttoransen

    uttoransen Prominent Member

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    #9
    nice one there! it is better than the macdonads resume, lol:D
     
    uttoransen, May 24, 2007 IP
  10. Rohit patel

    Rohit patel Prominent Member

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    #10
    Well nice one and looks real. :D :D
     
    Rohit patel, May 24, 2007 IP
  11. Bombaywala

    Bombaywala Peon

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    #11
    Can't believe what time is spent by people to notch up W's resume :)
     
    Bombaywala, May 24, 2007 IP
  12. rosiee007

    rosiee007 Notable Member

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    #12
    lol. The Accomplishments as President part was too funny :d:d:d
     
    rosiee007, May 24, 2007 IP
  13. stephenhacking

    stephenhacking Peon

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    #13
    Really spent lots of time reading all that.
    All that you wrote is fine, but i dunno if anybody else's in bush's shoe would
    have reacted in a diff way after 9/11
     
    stephenhacking, May 24, 2007 IP
  14. getjimmy

    getjimmy Prominent Member

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    #14
    lol nice one,keep them coming.
     
    getjimmy, May 24, 2007 IP
  15. RovingCalypso

    RovingCalypso Well-Known Member

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    #15
    Lol. That was one loong resume.
     
    RovingCalypso, May 24, 2007 IP
  16. xc06

    xc06 Notable Member

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    #16
    Are these stories true? it looks true though...:D
     
    xc06, May 24, 2007 IP