Is this a good headline and sub-headline…

Hi Guys,

This is for a weight loss product for women, I would like your opinion or suggestions on what you think about this headline and sub-headlines:

I Felt Old, Fat and Depressed

“Afraid My Husband Would Leave Me for a
Skinner, More Attractive Woman…”

Read This Special Report To Discover How I Went from Worrying About My and My Marriage Ending… To Getting a Slim, Slender Body That My Hubby Just Loves!


Thanks in advance!

 

First off finish editing and fix this glaring omission. Next eliminate the word special as it will be up to the reader to determine that. Also eliminate where you started with the word guys. After all, don't you want women to read this too?

 

'Skinner', by which I assume you mean skinnier, may have negative connotations among many audiences.

 

What word would you suggested I use in place of the word 'skinnnier'?

 

Well, you could go with the synonym "less fatter" but I doubt that would be an improvement.

 

Just use fit.

 

Just eliminate that part with skinnier

 

try to write not about weight but health, same article different approach

 

I think the title is too depressive for woman. But the rest is okay.

 

My take
//**********************************
I feel FAT, UGLY, and DEPRESSED
I'm afraid my husband would leave me for a more attractive, slim woman.
Read this special report to discover how I went from being fat, and getting my marriage end to getting a sexy and slim body that my hubby just loves.
//**********************************
Almost 90% of modern woman feel ugly inside. That's why they wear lots of makeup.
If you don't agree with me. Do research.
Even beautiful celebrities go under knives because they don't feel beautiful enough.
Every girl wants a body like "Victoria Secret Model".
Girls are more obsessed with their bodies than man.

women want a body like a model, more specifically a body like a victoria secret model
I used UGLY because that's how they feel inside... and would buy any product to make them beautiful.

 

Could be too harsh for some.. but sometimes you've got to kick potential customers in the groin w/ some truth

 

just 'lost weight' would simply do

 

So, you think using 'lost weight' as shown below is an improvement over the original? I think you need to rethink your answer because your answer is WORSE than the original.

“Afraid My Husband Would Leave Me for a
lost weight, More Attractive Woman…”

 

damn good point, I dont know what I was thinking writing this just write it like this:

Afraid My Husband Would Leave Me for More Attractive Woman

mmerlinn do you agree?

 

Really bro, reading that headline did nothing...

I find following kind of headlines more appealing:

> Want to lose 30 pound in just 3 months?
Read this 20 page report!

> Want to fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes again?
Read this report, and get back into that favourite dress!

> Afraid that your husband is seeing someone else behind your back because you are over-weight?
Read this report to change your life!

Something on those lines...
Thanks

 

Just write, more attractive woman, rather than saying " Less fatter" or "lost weight"

 

I LOVE these @JEET - Where has this forum been all my life lol?

 

Just use fit.

 

It has been sitting here waiting in extreme anticipation for you to find it.