I don't imagine you're going to do very well in life with that attitude. Lying isn't okay, especially if you end up hurting someone in the process. Eventually, your lies WILL catch up with you. As Jenn said, I am glad you do not speak for every man.
I'm very well aware of those concepts, but they do not equate to respect. I could be extremely wrong, but I'm assuming you're pretty young (since you didn't answer that question). You seem to have a kind of naivity that what you choose to do now to enjoy life won't, or shouldn't, affect you later, but it does. I know some men who learn this the hard way in their 20s, most seem to start to realize it in their 30s, and I know older men who still haven't, and wonder why their settled down friends can't stand to be around them anymore when they never got out of the whole college-esque lifestyle. You'll either meet someone someday who will matter to you enough that you'll have a change of heart, or you won't. Some people don't change. But what you think you want now, might very well stop you from getting what you want even more later in life. It might take someone significant losing respect for you before you really see the difference between that and getting what you want.
People in the EID state are always happy. They keep people around them happy, by hook or by crook. Its a good feeling, to lie and make some1 feel good. Ego state are always skeptical. They keep everyone around them on their toes. Super ego cynical. They always think tooooo much Most of the women on DP seem to be in the SUPER EGO state.
Jenn, I don't think most people change when you get right down to it. People can talk a good talk, but when it comes time to actually implementing change into their lifestyle, they don't really go anywhere. I'm not saying this is true for the majority of the population, of course -- but a lot of people simply won't change, period.
There's no such thing as "always happy!" You are KIDDING yourself if you believe that. Your lies have become so much a part of your daily lifestyle that obviously you've deluded yourself into believing something that isn't there. How can it possibly be a good feeling to lie to someone and make them feel good? How can you honestly believe that LYING to make someone feel good is a great feeling? You were dishonest to make them feel that way to begin with!
I don't think most do either. I've made major changes in my own life, and partly do to an absolutely amazing guy, but I did it because I wanted to. I the very major, and very general sense of who we are, I don't think people change. But a lot can... just if you do it for yourself instead of trying to convince yourself you need to change for someone else.
I think that sometimes a lie can save a situation, but long term speaking you should not get in the habit of lying, even if it seens to be the easiest way to go. Eventually the truth comes out, and the more you get yourself tangled up in lies, the harder it can become to handle once it hits you!
Exactly! When you've lived your entire life on nothing but lies, they are going to come back and get you. You cannot hope to live this oh-so-wonderful, fictitious life and believe nothing bad can come from it.
kartik, first of all, there's a major difference between cynicism and realism. I won't speak for the others here, but I try to be a realist. I've already stated that I have faith in men still, and I know there are good ones out there, even if I've yet to find the right one for me. That doesn't make me a cynic. Neither does expecting honesty and loyalty. You get what you give, or at least should, and when I give that to someone they better be able to reciprocate. If not, they simply won't be around for long, and I'll find someone more deserving of me... simple as that. As for lying to make people happy... I was with a guy a lot like you. Actually we were engaged, and I wasted 5 1/2 years of my life on him. He would lie to absolutely everyone about absolutely everything.... from who he was sneaking around with to whether he did something. For example, if I asked him if he took the trash out earlier, he could be staring right at it and still say yes, just b/c he knew I wanted to hear that. He would lie to me, tell a completely different story to his family, another to his friends, and another to his boss... did this all the time when he'd call off to go sneak off with some whore. He'd tell everyone what they'd find most believable, and his excuse later on was that he just wanted to say whatever would make everyone happy. What really would have made people happy would have been for him not to have been cheating, not be cancelling plans on his family or friends, and not to be sneaking away from work at the last minute for some slut. If you really care about making people happy, you don't just do what you want to do and then lie about it to essentially shelter them. If you honestly care if someone is happy, you put their happiness before what you want for your instant gratification, and that's how you earn the same in return.
I couldn't have said it better myself, Jenn. If you lie to someone to make them happy, then you cannot honestly care about the happiness of that person you've lied too. You actually need to work to ensure the people you care about know how you feel about them.
When you have been too used to lying, it´s very hard to change the habit. It takes courage to do that and open yourself up to real communication, having to deal with conflict as it is and such. When you lie, you can always take the easy way out and have a new lie whenever your back is against the wall.
But when things go wrong because of the truth, you will have to deal with things as they are, and in the long run your life is going to be easier. Trust me, I am one of the biggest liars ever, but lately I am starting to tell people the truth, even when it´s hard. Being able to be yourself and still be accepted is one of the best feelings on earth.
It's refreshing to not only see someone admit to it, but to see they're actively trying to change. Tons of respect for that, and good luck with it.
But the "easy way out" of telling another lie to cover up the lies you've already told can only be easy for so long. Eventually, you *have* to start realizing that you can only go so much longer before your lies are going to become too much to handle.
Then i just wait. Its not like you die if you dont have it for a few days. lol i went for 15 years without it 1s
If you can subtly remind her why she wanted to be with you in the first place, you rarely have to wait.
You wasted 5 n a 1/2 yrs.. but dont you think they were amazing? Did you not like it when he said you r the only one he loves , you are his angel, soul mate.. that you are so beautiful that he wouldnt turn evn if angelina jolie was standing naked behind him. Obvious lies, but you want to believe it. You like to hear it. And im sure you have had unforgettable moments when you were at the peak of happiness just because you thought he was too good to be true. Just take an example. I was asked to judge a huge event today. The participants did not know what to do, what to speak. They wanted to speak something, they spoke something else. Now at the end of the event, I couldve just said the obvious " YOU ALL SUCKED" , instead I said you all are young, you have a lot to learn , the efforts were commendable.. it was all a lie. But it made them happy. To see them happy made me happy. They were inspired and motivated to work harder, perform better.