My staff just screwed me up and I'll be working late tonight....and I thought I was gonna get a good fat guy snooze. So I got a really thick, moist, chocolate chip brownie...and a coffee with a double espresso shot to keep me awake. The only thing w/ the brownie is its overwrapped and a pain in the @ss to open. Between a big greasey cheeseburger, and the fries, and the brownie...no terrorist is shoving me into a teeny little taxi
I think you are ignoring that killing the AP guy is killing a friendly. Your theory still holds. If you are friendly to jihad, stay skinny. Not friendly, get fat.
Here is the sure fire diet to avoid beheadings in your lifetime: Not only are you safe from them; you are the happiest person on earth! Breakfast 3 McGriddles from mcdonalds 1 Dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (hot off the cooker, of course) 1 Large Vanilla Frosty Lunch 2 Big Macs or Whoppers or McRibs (I miss mcribs ) 1 Monte Cristo from Bennigans 1 Blizzard from Dairy Queen Dinner (are you still alive?) 2 Large Pepperoni/Sausage Pizzas 2 Orders of Brownies from Dominos 1 Large Chocolate Frostie Of course, you need a least 3 snack breaks during the way, munching on Cheetos, Doritos, a Quart of Cookie Dough Ice Cream. Guaranteed to defeat Jihadists everywhere!
LMAO! The only thing missing from my "keep-your-head" diet was . That sauce could even put pounds on Nicole Richie! Plus I get 4 apple pies for 2 bucks. That ensures that at best, they can give you a close shave.
McRibs are seasonal. We are all screwed if the jihadists come when McRibs aren't available! There is a flaw in the diet
OMG you’re killing me! We need to re-think this strategy. If I am going to keep my head, I need to know that I can count on the foods to be there that will keep me alive. I don't need a panic situation to arise that forces me to look at Taco Chaco's or freaking Frosties at Wendy's on a spur of the moment. Pizza takes to long to cook in those situations, so a speedy, solid backup plan is needed. I mean look at what happened to EarlPearl. He needed a nap to keep his fat and his freaking' staff blew it. The poor guy needs an extra 500 calories to make up for neck loss. Its time to put our heads together (necks attached) and create a fool proof plan of action. D
First we need to accept the grim reality of this situation. If we stop eating even for a moment. The terrorists will have won! So you'd rather meet a headless, skinny end, huh Mia?
Good thinking BD. I'm gonna start carrying around boxes and boxes of super sweet, super soft chocolate chip cookies from entemens. As important and valuable as ribs and stuff is...sometimes emergencies happen and you gotta go to the box rather than wait for something to be cooked!!!!
Good points all! Now I told some friends of mine about this new Strategy, and they are already implementing as we speak (Look at pic below). Keep your head boy's and Eat!
BD: Does this sound a little familiar? I used to work w/ a guy who was pro football sized. About 250/ 6 5". He was just out of school/ bad legs and still lifting like nuts. The dude needed calories, BD. So I remember going out to eat with him and another big guy...but not as big as the football sized dude. We go to a great burger place after work. Big juicy greasy flavorful suckers. We sit down...3 at the table. We order 4 big burgers. The waitress looks around and says...Is there a 4th? The big guy scowls and says...like he's been doing this forever...They're both for me. Does that sound familiar? I still see him sometimes. he is a lot doughier now...and I still call him a pencil necked geek...and he still hasn't killed me btw: they could never behead that guy. His head alone has to weigh about 175
A bowl of GTech's home made chili a day will keep them away! I pity a terrorist that throws me into a cab. They wouldn't get one block before they throw me right back out! I have my own built-in WMD defense mechanism "Achmed, pull over, this infidel is funking up the jihad-mobile!"
add a couple of Habaneros to help the flame! those things can burn all the way through and then burn everyones noses within a 1 mile radius.
Yes. Intestinal fortitude is a key ingredient here. Being fat is one thing, but being able to clear a room, with little or no effort (but a whole lot of pride) turns this into truly an offensive (literally and figuratively) weapon!
That reminds of when I was stationed in Germany back in the mid-80s. We had a Class A uniform inspection (don't know why, we were an Artillery unit) one day. There was a guy in our battery named Turcher. Ate boiled eggs for breakfast, drank dark veisen beer off duty, kind of chunky and unkept. Hated being in the Army, couldn't wait to get out. So the First Sergeant gets to Turcher and rips him to shreds over his uniform. Brass not shined, jacket wrinkled, shoes not shined, hair touching the ears...just on and on and on. Told him he'd have extra duty on the weekend. So the First Sergeant moves around to the next row and continues the inspection. When the FS gets to the guy behind Turcher, Turcher let a monster rip! It echoed through the hallway! That was funny enough, but it stunk so bad that it cleared the formation. First Sergeant and all, everyone took off running. One of the funniest moments I remember from serving and the only time I ever saw a formation cleared!