Wife: where ‘ll you take me on our 10th anniversary? Husband: We’ll go to African jungle safari. Wife: Nice. And on our 25th anniversary? Husband: I’ll bring you back. Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime! Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever ` Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I’d be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday. ` Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills. Wife: When must I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you ` Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: For you and your parents ` Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ? Husband: A lovely Push…!!! Give reply with adding atleast one good joke here....
Try This: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy pulls out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "It tell me somebody's stolen our f***ing tent!"
Miss Smith was teaching her primary school class about the use of the word "definitely". She looked around the class as each child raised its hand. "Jimmy, give me your sentence." "Miss, I am definitely going to have chips for my dinner tonight." "No, Jimmy, think of another thing. Sally, give me your sentence." "Please Miss, I am definitely going shopping for new shoes with my mummy today." "No, Sally, think of another thing. Now children, remember what I told you. Definitely is used to describe something that is beyond doubt. Like, I remember what I had for breakfast today, I definitely had cereal. Tommy, give me your sentence." "Miss, are farts lumpy?" "Tommy, that's rude. And that was a question, not a sentence. "But Miss, are farts lumpy?" "No, no they're not, what's your point?" "Well, Miss, I have definitely s*!t myself."
and................ Little Johnny & the Evils of Liquor Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!"
Following with............. Giggling In Class A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What’s so funny Pat?" Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don’t want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What’s so funny Billy?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don’t want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
This one is a bit more subtle; Two Snowmen standing next to each other, and one says " Eh can you smell carrots?"
This is true Abhilash, but maybe not everyone has seen them before and would like a laugh. Instead of posting this comment why didn't you post a joke, lighten up girl there is enough doom and gloom in the world, not to mention some of these forums.
haha nice jokes buddy.. ok here is another one.. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Husband : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
It's rather good and real to be the truth, but it is..... I mean that all the jokes about relationships between man and woman are sure funny, but very sad at the same time. So thanks anyway for the jokes!