Hi Everyone, Newbie Here. Im sinking in 11ft Water and this forum is my life jacket. Thanks for responding so fast. These headlines are for a specific target market. They are accustomed to long headlines, typically 18-24 words. Is The Offer Compelling? Do They Sound Like Im Trying To Sell? What's Your Favorite and Why? ANY Feedback Is Appreciated. ALL of your comments are Valuable even if you don't primarily write copy. Thanks, Jamaul Finley ________________________________________________________________________ You’re About To Learn A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy of 6-7 Networkers Like Mike Dillard to Naturally Attract More Leads Grab Your FREE FREE 7 Part Course Showing You How To Easily Attract Targeted Leads Grab Your FREE 60 Minute DVD Showing You A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly. Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Showing You A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly!
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Wow, where do I start. Thanks Perry for putting me down rather than being a true leader and adding value to others. The time it took you to put me down you could have easily told me what was wrong and maybe, I dont know its a stretch, "helped" a little. Get off your horse dude. I am learning!
Problem: Network Marketers have the problem of generating leads online. They complain they are doing exactly what their mentors are telling them but they feel like they are running around clueless still. Some that I have researched feel they are only being fed enough information to buy the next product and not the real "meat." The Solution I am offering is basically a behind the scene look at my mentors complete business. With his permission, I was able to document his systems, daily actions, tools, and resources. The guy is a multi-millionaire and is known by 7 out of 10 network marketers. I am providing this in the form of videos, blueprints, marketing flow charts, checklist, and audios.
Sorry but I don't like any of them. you must be straight to the point. and one more thing, "if you're the one to read it, does it catch your attention?"
Thanks Nick. I appreciate it. Actually some of them do catch my attention but that doesn't matter right. I am not the one buying the product. I really like: You Can Have My Exact Formula to Easily Attract Targeted Leads, Absolutely FREE! You’re About To Learn The Exact Reason Why Everyone Else is Crushing It Online- Except You! Grab Your FREE Online Course Showing You How To Easily Attract Targeted Leads They are actually reworks from a previous critique, but you said you didn't like them. Knowing the problem listed previously in the post how would you "spice up" these particular headlines? What about something like this: Internet Newbie Accidentally Turns $14.57 Into A $1,932.57 Profit Online Thanks Nick!
This one is appealing. The rest, to be honest, are not. It appeals to emotion, and since it's negative people will be inclined to think "ask, what is it? What's the reason? Tell me more!" At least that's my opinion.
The following two headlines are better for e-mails imo This one could be improved. It's start, make it catchier and you gave a winner.
The best way to grab your readers attention right away is to ask them a question and get them thinking and interacting. This also ensures that ur talking to the right person. Second I think you want to scale it down to who you are trying to affect. For example to a completely new person getting started a 6-7 figure blueprint is waay outta this world you know what I mean? To a new frame of mind "If I can just get someone to listen to me" or "If I could just make one sale to prove my family wrong" you see where im going? So start with a question and keep it on the level where they are at: 1. Tired and frustrated Rep? What will you do with the extra $400 per month your going to make with these proven starter methods Im gonna show you? I think if I where new and seen this! First I would Identify because im probably tired and frustrated and wondering what the heck did those rah rahs do to me at the hotel meeting I went too lol.. Then it asks me a question what will I do with the $400 per month. Did you know that when your brain is presented with a question it will not rest until an answer is found? So for the sake of moving on and finishing your mind will accept the second part [with these proven starter methods Im gonna show you] as fact in order to focus on the question you asked in the beginning [What will you do with the extra $400 per month your going to make]. Then the brain starts sayin "maaaan we could help with the car payment, house note, groceries, or whatever have you"! So they have already accepted as fact that you are going to teach them proven starter methods that will start them off making $400 a month. Now you have envoked all of this in there mind with just a title!! Pretty powerful stuff man! I hope it all made sense I could go on and on about this stuff all night long and never grow tired LOL!! By the way I live in Killeen just thought I'd throw that out there! ))))
Wow, thanks for the critique. I've just finished chapter 7 of the copywriters handbook by Bob Bly. Everything you said is so true. How log have you been writing copy? So applying what I've learned I have a couple of new ones: "STILL Struggling to Figure This Whole "Attraction Marketing" Thing Out? Take Your FREE Online DVDAnd Learn The Real Secrets of Finding Massive People To Join Your Business!" I mean that still feels too salesy to me. I just want to write: "Take this Free Dvd. If it works great! save my emails. If it doesn't Unsubscribe." I don't know. If I was talking to a friend I would just say: I'm giving you everything I know to make money online. For Free. Just give me your email and I'll send it to you. What do you think?
Awesome!!! I have been seriously into copy for probably close to a year now! The most important thing is people like to buy, not be sold to! So it is kinda like talking to a friend however you dont know each other and a level of trust has to be built in order for them to feel comfy enough to do business with you! So you dont want to shove it on them like a friend that already trusts you! You dont want to be to sale-z either! This is how I would cleanse that sentence and let me know what you think. Read this and monitor yourself and how these words make you feel and then I will share with you what I was trying to do with this particular piece. "Struggling Attraction Marketer"? Want In On The "Real Secrets" That Will Have Highly Targeted, Highly Interested People Chasing You Down With There Wallets In Hand To Join You? [Sub Title and/or Starter] By Reading Every Word I Have To Share With You Here You Will Not Only Discover Why You're Failing, But You Will Learn How To "STOP Struggling" and "Start Creating The Lifestyle of Your Dreams" For You and Your Family which is what you set out to do right or right?
Ignore the grammar errors for now lol!! Grammar is very important, but its to early in the morn to fix that one word LOL!!! ))))
IMO, the headlines starting with You're About To Learn are a bit off the tic for users as it would sounds like a chore for them. Well, just in my opinion though.
I really like that headline. So to answer your question this is how I felt. Initially I answered the question "Yes, I do want to know the Real Secrets" Would I Read the Next Line, which is the whole purpose of a headline Yes Does it Appeal To My Emotions Yes Overall, I like the headline. I think it does speak to the customer's emotions, offers a create benefit and then provides a possible solution "IF" action is taken. I guess the only real way to test Headlines is to send traffic to the page and measure the responses. I set a goal to learn copywriting and then start making money online via Affiliate Products related to attraction marketing. What are you currently doing online? I am looking for someone to learn, implement and then share the journey with in hopes of helping others like me make their first paycheck online. People will pay to get solid information on proven strategies from genuine people.
Hey let me know if my pm went through! Im unsure how they do things here on DP my post count may not be high enough!
You're better off either making two separate pages with 2 different text variants and seeing which does better, or changing the text on one page every month or so. Personally, I think those headlines sound spammy. And I'm not sure why you say 'FREE FREE' in some of them?