What will be your famous last words?

usasportstraining Notable Member

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#1

So, what will you say as your last words?

I thought this article was funny - Funny Last Words

Courtesy of :http://www.asylum.com/2010/07/12/funniest-last-words-voltaire-oscar-wilde-jack-daniels-gandhi-heg...

Funniest Last Words, Deathbed Witticisms

Steven Wright once said that he wished
the first word he spoke was â€œquote.â€ Then,
right before he died he could say, â€œUnquote.â€
While that would be the greatest
last word ever uttered, we have to be realistic
here and admit no one could be that
cool, lest the universe implode. Nonetheless,
here are some valiant efforts worth remembering,
last words such as:
1. â€œThis is no time to make new enemies.â€
These are supposedly the last words of
the philosopher Voltaire, uttered when a
priest asked him to renounce Satan.
Voltaire had been a critic of the church for
years and, according to some accounts, his
last words, directed at a priest, were actually
an angry cry: â€œFor Godâ€™s sake, let me die
in peace!â€
Apparently back in the day, the church
wouldnâ€™t even let you die on your own
terms. And it sure as heck wouldnâ€™t bury
you in its cemetery after such a deathbed
quote. Which is exactly why Voltaireâ€™s
friends, in a final ironic twist, snuck in and
buried his corpse in the Abbey of ScelliÃ¨res.
Take that, church!
2. â€œMy wallpaper and I are fighting
a duel to the death. One or the other
of us has to go.â€
Oscar Wilde said these last words, referring
to the walls of a French hotel where he
eventually passed away. What better final
quote for a man who debated about the
meaning of beauty and art for the better
part of his life? However, whereas the first
round was won by the wallpaper, in the
end, Oscar Wilde fans tore the place apart
and refurnished it in the style of a British
flat. We like to imagine that somewhere in
heaven Oscar Wilde was laughing manically
as a mob armed with torches burned the
offending French wall decoration.
3. â€œHowâ€™s this for a headline?
â€˜French Fries.â€™â€
These are the last words of James D.
French, just before he was executed via the
electric chair. Get it? Weâ€™ll take a break
here, so everyone can re-read that joke and
truly appreciate its genius. But, whereas we
love a good pun as much as the next guy,
the true reason this sentence is remarkable
is the length to which Mr. French went to
get himself executed. He was the last man
to be sentenced to death in Oklahoma and
the only person to get the electric chair in
all of the U.S. in the year 1966. In fact, his
original sentence was life in prison, but Mr.
French then murdered his cellmate, allowing
him to share his joke, and the rest of the
world to groan at one lousy pun. Itâ€™s a winwin
scenario ... sort of.
4. â€œOne last drink, please.â€
Jack Daniel said these words just seconds
before dying from a blood infection â€”
a problem that started when one morning
he kicked his safe in anger and broke his
toe. The moral of the story, printed on a
2006 marketing poster is: You should never
go to work early in the morning. We
think a better moral is: Use some of the
whiskey youâ€™re producing by the gallons to
disinfect your toe before it kills you. But,
you know, thatâ€™s just us.
5. â€œ... and now for a final word from
our sponsor ...â€
Not many people remember Charles J.
Gussman, but he was the brains behind
countless old-school radio shows, as well as
the show â€œDays of Our Livesâ€ â€” and even
some episodes of â€œGilliganâ€™s Island.â€ Gussman
lived for media and went out the same
way he ended most of his shows, placing
the spotlight on whoever bankrolled his
show.
6. â€œThey couldnâ€™t hit an elephant at
this distance.â€

Just one out of countless morbidly ironic
last remarks, this one belongs to General
John Sedgwick, who was trying to encourage
his troops during the Civil War. If you
canâ€™t predict what happened seconds after
he finished saying this, youâ€™ve never seen a
comedy sketch. Suffice it to say that his
troops were extremely motivated â€” if by
â€œmotivated.â€ you mean scared sh**less because
they just saw their leader sniped by
the enemy.
7.â€Only you have ever understood
me ... and you got it wrong.â€
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel was just
one of the many philosophers who tried to
create a logical system that would encompass
all of existence. Apparently, he came
pretty close. But, no one could follow his
logic for long enough to make any sense of
his claims about the universe. These were
his last words to his favorite student before
dying and leaving hundreds of philosophy
majors to wonder what exactly he meant in
his books. After which, they wondered what
the hell they are going to do with a philosophy
degree.
8.â€Leave the shower curtain on the
inside of the tub.â€
When you ask someone like Conrad N.
Hilton, the man behind the Hilton Hotel
Empire, if he has any final wisdom to share
with the world, well, you kinda expect
something a tad bit more profound than
stuff your mom told you every time you
took a shower. Then again, this is the family
that gave birth to Paris Hilton, so maybe
this isnâ€™t so bad after all.
9.â€I should never have switched
from scotch to martinis.â€
Humphrey Bogart was the equivalent of
Harrison Ford, George Clooney and Johnny
Depp all rolled up into one stone-cold,
rugged piece of pure awesomeness. For
someone as manly as he, there was no other
way to end it all but denounce mixed, fruity
drinks and join Jack Daniel in ordering another
glass of good old whiskey, be it Scottish
or American. We can only raise our
glasses and join in a toast â€” a toast to all
the memorable, funny last words ever uttered.
Click to expand...

usasportstraining, Jul 22, 2010 IP

looking4vps Peon

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#2

it would depend on my mood and time of day

looking4vps, Jul 22, 2010 IP

jackspicer Peon

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#3

live long and prosper

jackspicer, Jul 22, 2010 IP

usasportstraining Notable Member

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#4

The two most important things are:

1. Don't share everything you know

usasportstraining, Jul 22, 2010 IP

AdamWhite1 Peon

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#5

usasportstraining said: ↑

The two most important things are:

1. Don't share everything you know
Click to expand...

I like your style.....I will not ask about second thing that you was sharing.

AdamWhite1, Nov 11, 2010 IP

Kangaroo777 Peon

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#6

To Infinity And Beyond...

Kangaroo777, Nov 13, 2010 IP

cheezycow Peon

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#7

America, land of the dirt, land of trees and cows, many people use snowplows, me? i prefer to use Balloon horse drivin DowS.

cheezycow, Nov 13, 2010 IP

powerlifer Active Member

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#8

Hasta la vista baby lol, then id be lowered into the lava like in terminator 2.

powerlifer, Nov 14, 2010 IP

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What will be your famous last words?

usasportstraining Notable Member

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