Tips for my 14 year old babysister

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010.

  1. #1
    Hi!

    I am trying very hard to work with my baby sister with writing. I told her that if she had a computer,and could write that she would always be able to find a job. I got her to write me a short article below. Please feel free to provide tips and corrections that might help her out. She is about to go into the 9th grade and I feel encouraging her in writing is very important. I wasn't sure what board to put this in but felt copyrighting was the best since it was about a topic writing original content and the tips you provide her might help other writers. Here's the short article that she did and please do not use it anywhere without permission:

    Tips On How To Save Money
    (c) Kelsey

    Saving money is very important. You can save money every where. Every penny counts! Here are some tips on how you can save money. Before you go shopping, make a list of all the necessities you need. When you are at the store buy only what is on the list.

    When you go shopping avoid going down aisles that will temp you to buy something you do not need.For example, looking at clothes can lead to buying it just because it is cute.

    You can also save money at home. Closing the blinds saves money on the electric bill. It keeps out the excess heat. Keeping the curtains close does the same thing.

    Instead of going to a fancy and expensive restaurant go to a fast food place or better yet stay home and have a home cooked meal. You do not need always have the best of foods. Plain and simple is always better.

    You can also save by turning off excess light when you leave the room. Turning off unused appliances also saves electricity. Turning off 99the lights will also cool the house more, helps with keeping the air conditioner down. This also saves a little.

    Every little thing helps when it comes to saving money. There are many more ways to save,but I only listed a few.
    -

    Please note that she doesn't have a clue on how to rewrite articles, so that whole entire article came directly from her only.

    Kari
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2010
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  2. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #2
    She can get advice on this piece, but what about the next one, and the next one....?

    There are writing classes she can take. That is, if she truly wants to be a writer.

    There is not enough depth, and too many obvious statements. In other words: we already know all of this.

    It needs to be at least three times longer.

    For now, she should read articles on this subject in magazines, both off and online, to know what good articles look like. Have her do a search on subjects like, say, "saving money."

    Money Magazine, for example, has a slew of professionally-written articles she can go by.

    Have her copy and past such articles so she can practice editing them.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2010
    Perry Rose, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  3. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #3
    She won't be getting advice on the other articles, just this because it's her very first one that she's done for me :) I'll recommend the writing classes. I forgot about those. Good point about it being "too many obvious statements". I agree, she does need to use her imagination some with it. Thank you so very much for the tips. Much appreciated.
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  4. gvannorman

    gvannorman Well-Known Member

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    #4
    Is she going to be writing for online or off? I know that some people think that it doesn't matter but I believe that it does. I mean I have read magazines and books. Keywords and the ever popular SEO factor is not necessary for offline material. I say that because search engines are not searching the magazine sitting on my coffee table. (Regardless of what some may say)

    I believe that she has potential but just reading is not going to make her a great writer. Point her in the right direction and she will be okay. Remember that we do not want to add to the staff of penny writers we already have here. She is young and has a huge life in front of her. Teach her now and she will prosper as she grows.
     
    gvannorman, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  5. parsibagan

    parsibagan Active Member

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    #5
    Arghhh! I misread that as babysitter.
     
    parsibagan, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  6. gvannorman

    gvannorman Well-Known Member

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    #6
    Dreaming maybe you should have put a space between the 2 words. Have you guys checked out the new quality writing forum where you can find jobs and learn to write so you can double maybe even triple your rates. Quality Writers Forum
     
    gvannorman, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  7. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #7
    Done. Must have been slipo or typo but I was about to do that anyway since the previous poster pointed it out. Thanks.
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  8. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #8
    Lol, my bad. I tried to put in a space there. Since you caught one mistake with my title, did you catch any in hers?
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  9. dyadvisor

    dyadvisor Peon

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    #9
    A 14 year old can learn to write, many times as well as the penny ante intruders that invade here. She can learn from a class or by your personal instruction.

    However, it is your fault for not giving an outline for her, and one you must follow yourself. It is actual very simple, has 5 parts that must be followed in order.

    1. Title = attention Wake the reader up!
    2. Content = interest what makes your story unique to be worth reading, this means picking ONLY ONE of the emotions to focus on. Joy, Fear etc.
    3. Content = conviction Convince the read this emotion you uncovered is one that should be solved.
    4. content = desire Here you get the reader desiring to follow along with the solution you are proposing, and how to do it.
    5. Summary and close Where can they find the actual solution

    Does not matter what the topic is. All articles need structure. That is why, I like over half the people do not bother to read to the end. The writer must keep them motivated to read on.

    Now lets see one a week from now, and it then will show if there is a creative factor or not. With out the flair for creativity, and proper structuring she will only fail. It she has it, how is the time to starts encouraging her to develop it.

    -----------------------------hope that helps------------------------------
     
    dyadvisor, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  10. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #10
    I'm not sure if she's going to be writing for online or offline. I'm just working hard on trying to encourage her with seeing how important writing is and what all it can do for you. She doesn't know anything about keywords yet. Keep in mind, she's only going to the 9th grade and has a lot to learn.
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  11. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #11
    Thank you very much for that reminder. I wanted her to do the first one using her own creativity just so I know how to guide her and those steps will help. I didn't think that I was in the wrong and that it was my fault for not telling her those steps. I'm actually helping her out in a lot of ways right now more then you know. I'm going to give her that guide after she does a couple of articles and then she'll have those she can look back on and see her progress :)
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  12. gvannorman

    gvannorman Well-Known Member

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    #12
    Dyadvisor is a great teacher also. Maybe you could point her in the right direction. Which just so happens to be following quality writers. Head to the forum.
     
    gvannorman, Jul 18, 2010 IP
  13. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #13
    I am already a part of that forum under another name :) It is a great forum, I do agree and I enjoy being a member there. Kraven knows who I am in that place. You do a good job as mod on that forum, I just posted this here so I could get a variety of replies before asking the other forum.
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  14. parsibagan

    parsibagan Active Member

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    #14
    Copy and past?
     
    parsibagan, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  15. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #15
    I wouldn't allow her to do that anyway. She can learn to do that in her notepad. I was trying to break it up in sentences so it would be easier to read. I would never allow her to get on any forum that I belong to (on my IP, I don't mind if she joins herself, with her own email, tho mom might not be that crazy about the idea), and that would be hard anyway since she's in Georgia, and I'm in Tennessee :)
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  16. parsibagan

    parsibagan Active Member

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    #16
    Sob! you did not get it angel. That was a mistake. It should have been `copy and paste' and not `copy and past' ... There are some mistakes in your sister's composition which I shall point out later, but this is a major one "Turning off 99the lights"
     
    parsibagan, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  17. DreamingBig

    DreamingBig Well-Known Member

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    #17
    I was wondering when someone would notice that one! Lol. I'm tickled that you pointed it out. I have tried, but she wouldn't listen to me and now I have proof! lol Thanks :)
     
    DreamingBig, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  18. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #18
    Whhhaaaat? ... You mean it's not "past"???

    Heavens and oh my!

    lol

    Turning off 1 light and going to bed. ;-)
     
    Perry Rose, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  19. Fastest Writers

    Fastest Writers Peon

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    #19
    Being a member of this would be helpful to her, for legends like dyadvisor, Perry, Kraven, gvannorman are here!
     
    Fastest Writers, Jul 19, 2010 IP
  20. korki4

    korki4 Member

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    #20
    OMG! I misread it too for a babysitter and was about to reply on why help your babysitter -_- and then when i reread it twice i finally saw it as baby sister
     
    korki4, Jul 19, 2010 IP