Hello all, I love to write. My problem however, is that I write like I talk which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's more suited to blogs, forum posts, what have you. That's done me well since up until recently, that's all I've needed it for. In trying to market a new site I've created though, and one that's aimed at Internet Marketers who I've learned are the hardest to write for, I'm coming up with some problems. I'm wanting to spend this weekend re-writing my "sales" page which I wrote specifically not to be a standard IM sales page. Apparently though, this is hurting my conversion so I'm going to write something more expected and see if that gets me any better results. I have two main questions to start with... 1. Do people care about me, or do they only care about them? What I mean is, in my copy I shared information such as how the site came to be, why I wanted to start it and why I think people should join (because I'm so passionate about it). I've received feedback from one person who said I should scratch all of that and only focus on "them", being the person reading it. That "they" don't care for my life story or why I'm doing something, they just want to know how it's going to help "them". My question: Is this true? I've seen a lot of IM sales page that share their hard luck story and putting a lot of themselves into it. But should I change my approach? Is a more "them" focused page going to help me more? 2. To bullet point or not to bullet point? Another portion of the feedback I received, and again, this was only from a couple of people, was that I am too "wordy". No surprise to me there as I always write really long posts lol, but they told me I need to provide the facts in a bullet point list. So instead of how I have it now, with a heading title and a paragraph underneath explaining what it is, why I have it and how you can use it , I should just mark everything with a bulleted list. This one I'm torn on. I like to provide as much detail as possible so people know exactly what they're signing up for, but am being told to not offer this much information and leave people wondering/curious. I'm the sort of person that if I'm reading a sales page and still have questions on what exactly the product is or does, I don't buy. Even if it's free I won't grab it unless I know exactly what to expect. Is this the case in general though? My question: Should I drop some of my information and make it more quick, bulleted lists of benefits?
I previously worked in an internet marketing company that sold personal development products (and we did make tonnes of money although we did partner a few big names in the business which I guess helped. a lot. ) Although others may or may not have a difference of opinion, this experience is what I am basing my answers on to answer your questions. * Sales page formulas are there for a reason - because they work, time and time again. It's like chemistry - you don't mess with the formula! * Yes, bullet points help. A lot. Think about it... if you're going to get a person to read through a whole wad of information, regardless of if it's a sales page or an school essay, they are likely to scan the writing. Bullet points are there to draw a person's eye to the key points, so use them wisely. * There is a writing technique that focuses on the word 'you'. Sorry to say, but some people really don't care about you and are likely to get turned off by the word, "I". While I'm not saying that you're not a nice person that I'd like to get to know one day, what I am saying is that you should use "I" less often. Try to write 10 "you"'s to 1 "I". However, the above does not hold if you are trying to impress amazing information about you on someone if it is relevant. Many personal development authors base their stories and sales pitches around things that they've done - eg they were a street kid and are now this amazing billionaire who now tries to help people.
You can find a detailed instruction on writing a sales copy here isitebuild.com/sales-copy.htm +xenon+ is right. Your personality is not important to readers, however you may include your short success story. People like to read success stories as they give them a hope for their own success.
Thankyou +xenon+! That's very helpful. I currently have sections that explain how the idea behind the site came to me, how it came together etc. People don't care about that do they? Especially not internet marketers which is who my site is aimed at. Being that my product isn't about personal development of any kind, I can remove pretty much any and all "me" sections, yeah? It's something that people can use to promote themselves, so I'm assuming that's what I should be focusing on?
You can talk about your personal stories only in the blogs or areas after you get people signing up first. Your goal should be making the cash-waving converts out of your visitors and those visitors will only convert -- when they get what they want -or- get that you will give something to them.
1.) Nothing personal, but in a world of 7 billion people, nobody cares about you, your feelings or why you did what you did, other than your personal friends and family. When trying to sell something, the focus should be on your customer's necessities, i.e. their customers' interests. Again, nothing personal, just a quick answer to the question. 2.) When one of the big broadcasting corporations in the US investigated why their news report was losing spectators, they found out that they were being too "demanding" and "intellectual". They decreased the necessary level of intellectual comprehension from that of a nine-year old to a seven-year old's and all was good again. Blame it on video clips, advertising breaks during programs or a general lack of virtues and education, the remote control or whatever, but it is a fact that average attention spans are decreasing. Consequently, bullet points help the ... eh ... well, let's say those who have difficulties to concentrate on reading two entire sentences to grasp the idea. They also help you to identify the unique selling points (USP) and key competitive advantages.
Thanks Qui - and don't worry, I'm slowly developing somewhat of a thick skin so don't take your comments as a dagger to the heart. Great feedback too! Thanks. I actually sat down yesterday after taking in notes already and completely re-wrote my sales page. I had a couple of friends give it a read over and they said it does now have a very 'salesly' feel about it, where as the other one was more 'informational', so I'm hoping it would help me. I don't write for a sales reason very well, I actually found it quite hard and had to keep stopping myself from going on and on with more information. The only thing I don't like is how "quick and dirty" it feels with bulleted lists, but that's my writing style, I like to say everything lol. Hopefully it will work though... only time will tell I guess.
Cut down on un-necessary info and make it quick. Everybody likes things quick because (According to my understanding), we have very short attention span ...... Ooh look ...... a penny
that's a tough call. studies show that long sales pages work better than short sales pages. melani, there are plenty of excellent books/e-books available on the art of copywriting. there's also a classic (ie its a bit old), but i can't recall what it's called at the moment, but it has exercises/homework to help you improve your copywriting skills. remember, the key is to make them feel their pain
Yes I do care about who you are, but I probably don't care about what your cat eats. I mean, I care about specific things; if you are a software development company, I would be curious to know the developers/ working environment...
Hi Melani, If you are telling a story directly related to the topic, then you should be fine. Otherwise get to the point. I am much like you as I write long posts and long sales pages. Then I edit without mercy. Bullets are crucial. Subheads are important. By all means put in all the detail you need to tell the whole story but make sure you format your sales page so anyone can get the gist of your message just by reading the subheads and bullets. Break up your sentences, long and short. Likewise, break up your paragraphs. I learned a long, long time ago if someone tells you you are a "good salesperson", you've likely lost the sale. People do not like to be sold. Good sales copy is invisible. Gary Halbert would take his sales letters down to the local watering hole. If the guys at the bar read his stuff and said "great sales letter", he knew he had his work cut out for him. If, instead, they asked "Where can I get this?", then he would be satisfied the letter was a winner. Keep writing. Edit the stuffing out of it. You'll do fine. Regards, Andy
It's all about the prospect... their needs and wants... what they will gain from your product. Keep it easy to read with short paragraphs. Definitely use bullet lists and subheadlines through-out the copy. If you're serious about writing better sales copy for your own products, then get a few copywriting books and study them. Learn the basics of copywriting and you'll improve your conversion rates significantly. Good luck, Mike
Hi Guys, Just wanted to say thankyou for all the advice given. I ended up completely re-writing my sales page and a promotional thread I'm using on another site to offer membership. So far I've gotten two new members to the site (only did the re-write of the promotional thread yesterday) so that's something I guess? I find it really hard to stop myself from writing too much, but I've just told myself that short n sweet to get them in, then I can share more info and if they want to read it they can, if not, then no worries. My biggest aim is to get people in to the site as my goal is to help others promote and succeed. I'm not going to help anyone by boring them to death =p