Help me choose the best heading ever!

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by bertuseng, Dec 13, 2009.

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  1. #1
    Hi there. I have been busy creating my first sales page and it's all a bit new for me, so I could need all the help I can get. I have been playing around with the heading and subheading and was wondering what all of you think.

    I know that 20 heads are better than 1, so I hope together you guys can help me create a headline that will jump from the screen and pull the customers' cash out of their pockets.

    My product is a comprehensive course on how to implement different free traffic generation techniques.

    Here is my heading and subheading:

    "Discover The Secret FREE Strategies And Techniques To Generating More Website Traffic And Finally Making Massive Profits"

    And NO, these doesn't involve getting junk traffic! How Can You Unlock The Closely Guarded Secrets To Become A Free Traffic Master And Summon Hordes Of Super Targeted Visitors To Your Sites And Accelerate Your Profits, Without Paying A Cent For It?


    What can I change? I guess I should get a shorter subheading. Thanks for all the help.
     
    bertuseng, Dec 13, 2009 IP
  2. writesalot

    writesalot Peon

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    #2
    Cut it down to just a few words that can be scanned in a couple of seconds. "FREE strategies for more traffic and massive profits"
    Keep it simple, people are turned off big time if you overdo it. Just give them a few words that stick in the mind and take out all the filler.
     
    writesalot, Dec 13, 2009 IP
  3. lightless

    lightless Notable Member

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    #3
    That would do. Simple and effective. Or something along those lines like

    Title
    Subtitle
     
    lightless, Dec 13, 2009 IP
  4. beerdude

    beerdude Peon

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    #4
    Get more traffic than any major freeway during rush hour traffic!
     
    beerdude, Dec 14, 2009 IP
  5. bertuseng

    bertuseng Peon

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    #5
    Thanks a lot for the great advice so far. I updated my headings. I don't know if I am allowed to, but I am going to post the link to my page so far. (order button not working yet, so no harm done)

    http://freetrafficvolcano.com/index.php?p=1_6

    Please tell me what you think of the headings and I would appreciate any suggestions that you could have. Thanks a lot. This forum is really a great place for informative help. Thanks again!
     
    bertuseng, Dec 14, 2009 IP
  6. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #6
    The problem with that line is that everybody and their brother states something similar.

    You want to be totally different.

    Perhaps:

    "How the Big Sites Became Big, and How You Can Too"

    Don't use words that is so tiresome to see all the time: "Massive." "Secret."

    Your site is too long. Not many will read such a long sales page.

    If there are not pictures and or free samples, tips, long sales pages do not work.

    It also looks like one of those same ol' cheap template sites.

    You should also give free tips, so they know that you know what you are talking about.
     
    Perry Rose, Dec 14, 2009 IP