We are very close to launching our first product and neither my partner or myself are copywriters. I need an honest assessment of what needs to be improved to make this page convert. Thanks in advance http://www.pottytraininganydog.com/pottytraining.php
I am not copy writer either but there doesn't seem to be good grabbers in the start of it. Something that would want to intice me to keep reading.
its good but i think the.. *Well you can!* text should be more prominent, its like asking you a question and the BANG! HERE IS THE ANSREW READ BELOW!
I would say something like "If you could potty train your dog in 30 days for FREE, would you?" or something on the lines of that. It's very nice landing page. You should try to write artilces for this niche and submit to article directories get you some free links. Also use <em> more around strong words like the guy above said. Also, you need testimonials. Give away your product to a few people and get them to review the product. Then you will be set, or you could even just charge half off or something.
My opinion? Probably not worth much, but I think the way the question is asked seems obvious. Who DOESN'T want their dog to quit crapping on the floor? Really? So that may be a good thing. It will probably be just fine the way it is. Adding the cost of a carpet after pee soaks into the padding? That always gets 'em. They may rent, but even so, the smell is atrocious. I think you will do great. Promotion is the hard part, the copy itself probably the least of your worries.
I'd also use more CSS to include the H1 align and style, so you can remove it from the html code and have it just as: <h1>If you could potty train your puppy or older dog right now, Would You?</h1> Code (markup):
I am a professional web-marketer. I deal a lot of conversion-improvement issues with client sites.Here is my tuppence on your landing page- Opening Question Lacks The Punch- I would do something like this.-"Have you painfully tried and failed in potty training your dog in past? Does your carpet constantly reek of dog pee? Have your guests been telling you that you have a smelly house? There is a way out.What if we share a fool-proof way of potty training your dog in 2 weeks flat?" Lack of Images- The first 1500 odd pixels portion of your sales page DOESNOT have any image/video. Apart from couple of tiny paws, there are no icons, no colourful bullet points, basically no eye-candy. I would get a better product-graphic than the one you got and place it right in the start where you introduce your product. Black Video Stills- Please, please donot leave your embedded video with a blank black graphic still when the page loads. Its easy to have a still image when the page loads, before a user clicks Play.Get a relevant image. Sign-Up Box Badly Placed- Okay, this is open for a debate. Most guys use sign-up box as a second weapon to capture fleeing visitors by giving them a freeby in return of the details. I am not sure why anyone will fill your form. Its placed right at the bottom anyway. Give your visitors a reason why they should fill your form. I have a better idea- Why not just give away a couple of videos from the course in exchange of their details. DONOT ask for $1 right away. Once they have downloaded and seen the vids and are happy , you email them to take feedback and offer to sell the rest of vids for full/discounted price. This is pre-sell method of selling. You are using it partially anyway by allowing them 30 days for $1. Lemme know what do you think.I just tried to be 'brutally honest' as you requested. Hersh