Hope there isn't any similar threads yet btw, here's what i got from Aha! jokes Q: What do elves learn in school? Christmas Present A: The Elf-abet! Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: "I don't like sprouts" ! Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho. Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll. Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood. Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ? A: Because it's to far to walk. Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? A: Forty feet of track - all straight! Q: What kind of bird can write? A: A PENguin. Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct? A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree. Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claus! Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? A: Fleece Navidad! Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side. Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? A: Crisp Cringle. Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you. Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? A: Okay everyone, sack time!! Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes. Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A: A subordinate claus. Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? A: He wanted to sleep like a log. Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because the angel had said, "No L!" Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door! Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? A: Because it " soots " him! Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? A: Pour Santa flush on him. Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks! Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? A: Because every buck is dear to him. Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ? A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names" Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?Q: Olive ? A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names" Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Q: Olive? A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names" Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? A: It was wound up already. Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter. Credits goes to: Aha! Jokes
Really? QUICK - phone the Christmas cracker industry and tell them they've been doing it wrong for the last hundred years or so!