Fat People Dont Get Beheaded

Discussion in 'Politics & Religion' started by bigdoug, Oct 20, 2006.

  1. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #101
    No doubt! My wife gets pissed at me. We both like the fan blowing on us when we sleep. The fan is on my side of the bed and blows across the bed, meaning everything on my side of the bed gets blown to her side.

    She knows too! I'll pinch off an SBD. You know, the kind that is "warm" and you just know it's going to funk up the room. And I can't stop giggling, my body will start to shake the bed even though I'm being quiet. She knows...she knows what's coming!

    Next thing you know: "Oh, baby! That's disgusting, it smells like foul milk!"

    I'm surprised no one has mentioned the walking fart, or rather, the supermarket fart. When you have a lot of combustion built up, but if all released at once, it would surely draw attention. So you look for the isle where no one is, then proceed to expel a little tester while walking. And then every step down the isle is "brrrmp, brrmp, brrrmp" until you get to the end of the isle. Then quickly go two isles over, so that when others walk into your fart and start looking around to see who did it, you are no where in sight!
     
    GTech, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  2. bigdoug

    bigdoug Peon

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    #102
    Squeakers general have no power to the punch. So, like the opening of a jellyfish in open water, you must open your sphincter in such a way as to let gas out and not the juice.

    My goal in life is to kill Jihadist without soiling my pants. I want to be the James Bond (fat version) of “fart to kill.”

    Movies To Star In:

    “For your gas only”
    “Dr. No Gas”
    “Goldfinger Stops Gas”
    “The man with the Golden Gas”
    “A view to a kill, Gas Style!”

    Well, that all the Bond themes I can remember.

    I still say, get fat and you’ll keep your head!

    D
     
    bigdoug, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  3. earlpearl

    earlpearl Well-Known Member

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    #103
    I wonder if ballet dancers use a rear wind blast to propell into the air. They are pretty light and wouldn't require much thrust.

    On the other hand imagine the kind of nuclear power required by shaq before he goes up for a dunk. No wonder no one likes covering him.
     
    earlpearl, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  4. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #104
    I hear the rockettes got their name that way :p
     
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  5. bigdoug

    bigdoug Peon

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    #105
    Is it possible to be fat and make little farts?
     
    bigdoug, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  6. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #106
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  7. earlpearl

    earlpearl Well-Known Member

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    #107
    What about many multiple farts exploding like an automatic weapon. You could spray them over a wide area.

    But BD if you master the ability to shoot all gas and no wet stuff....I salute you! Your butt would be the 007 of butts. Licensed to kill!
     
    earlpearl, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  8. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #108
    Those are called poppers :p
     
    GTech, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  9. bigdoug

    bigdoug Peon

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    #109
    Here is the point men; I am trying to see if I can hold some lethal fart WMD for 16 hours without leaking. I think this will give me enough time to board a plane and fly over to happy world and fart over the bad guy’s. I think it would only be 16 hours from Miami?
     
    bigdoug, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  10. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #110
    GTech, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  11. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #111
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  12. debunked

    debunked Prominent Member

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    #112
    Just make sure you aren't just carrying an unleathel load of laughing gas like this girl: laughing gas
     
    debunked, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  13. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #113
    I also wonder. Airlines dump the waste during flights right? shouldn't it be official policy (even if its out of the way) to dump it over terrorist areas. Seems like enough WMD dropping out of passenger planes might scare (er, smell) em straight :p
     
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  14. debunked

    debunked Prominent Member

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    #114
    Or how about the Spleen from Mystery men? (If I found the right name??)
    He had some super powers like Doug
     
    debunked, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  15. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #115
    The dude who could throw his farts across the room? My hero!

    [the Spleen is shot in the rear]
    The Spleen: I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS. I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS.
    Invisible Boy: Does your power still work?
    The Spleen: Uh-oh, weapons check. Pull my fingers.
    [Invisible Boy pulls. Spleen lets loose a wind of gas, wiping out an entire gang]
    The Spleen: It'll do.
     
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  16. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #116
    You can have a lot of fun with one of these! My wife bought me one from "Spencers" last year for Christmas. Fun to hide behind the sofa cushions when someone comes over to visit. When they have a seat, press the button. Also fun at restaurants. Place in your coat pocket and hang your coat up next to where people walk, or place in a chair a little away from your table and when someone walks by, press the button.
     
    GTech, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  17. northpointaiki

    northpointaiki Guest

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    #117
    What you are describing is affectionately known in the restaurant trade as "Crop Dusting."

    Hah! Just came across this (how I spend my time...) - I thought we of the hallowed culinary scene had coined the term. Apparently not:

    Lingua Flatus
     
    northpointaiki, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  18. lorien1973

    lorien1973 Notable Member

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    #118
    Totally reminds me of this.

    Me and my gf were eating out at a Thai restaurant one time; family of 4 was sitting in the table next to us. When they got up; the guy let out a huge fart (right at us) and just walked away. Luckily it was on her side of the table. I can never eat Thai food again; I always end up thinking about that :p
     
    lorien1973, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  19. northpointaiki

    northpointaiki Guest

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    #119
    Why, Lorien, you just missed out on the nether region variant of "belch of approbation.":D
     
    northpointaiki, Oct 27, 2006 IP
  20. GTech

    GTech Rob Jones for President!

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    #120
    LMAO! That's much more descriptive. A crop duster :)


    Some hilarious descriptions there. Some of them hit home more often then I'd like to admit!
     
    GTech, Oct 27, 2006 IP